Too many Boos: A Pet Name Rumination

I was thinking today... because it's a nice pastime. 

I don't know if I'm the only one in the world who has these thoughts... the ONLY ONE... but I like feeling special.  I like feeling unique, one of a kind, perhaps... the cat's pajamas.  So, I don't want to think of myself as being someone who gets to have a recycled pet name.  I know there are cliches like Boo, Hon, Sweetie, Dear, Mama, Baby, Lovie Wuvvie Schnoodle Bug... but if that's what you called your ex, count me out!  I don't wanna be any of those things!

I'm not saying this anecdote is about me... let's say it's about my friend.  Her name is... ShmansterMitten.  We'll call her Sammy for short.  Well, one day Sammy's boyfriend was having his wisdom teeth pulled and he was doped to the gills.  While Sammy was caring for him, his phone kept blowing up and as Sammy was a snoopy little B, she checked.  Previously Sammy's boyfriend had been referring to her as "Hon", which although not unique, was something she hadn't been called before and it felt nice.  Well, on this occasion, Sammy looked at her boyfriend's phone and saw that his ex and he had been exchanging texts about how he was doing and in one he had called her "Hon."  Well, add that to the fact that he had claimed to have deleted her number and had in fact just put it in under a guy's name, and Sammy went into a blind rage.  (Which reminds me, my next blog post should be about me being a hypocrite.)  Long story short, Sammy is now endearingly referred to as "babe."  (Feminists calm down- she's okay with it.)  This is not a recent occurrence, just the only example I had in this scenario that wasn't an obvious reference to those who know me and lurk.

Anywho, so am I wrong in believing that recycling a pet name from a previous relationship is a no-no?  If you called your last boyfriend "Boo," perhaps call this one "Shoe" (they are both equally ridiculous).  If you called your last boyfriend "Daddy," how about calling this one "Sugar t*ts?"  I mean, if you like the pet name so much, maybe you shoulda stayed with the previous pet, just saying.                                     

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Does This Scenario Justify Homicide?

So, if you've ever been pregnant, chances are that you know what it's like to be exhausted.  Between the body aches, the fatigue, the emotional roller coaster... there aren't many of the 40 weeks that we have extra energy.  Okay, there's a few of you crazy ladies that spend the time doing the exact same activities, working out constantly and feeling great... well... poo to you.

Usually the second trimester is where you have the opportunity to start feeling a semblance of normality.  Well, I'm a week away from my third trimester and for the past 3 or 4 weeks I've actually felt up to doing the normal cleaning things that I used to do.  I get worn out a little faster and have to break more often, but I like feeling useful and not handicapped.  I've been keeping up on the dishes, doing more laundry, picking up, etc.

So, today I don't know why (especially considering the recent bouts of insomnia) but I was feeling ambitious!  No, I didn't do any grandiose tasks, just menial ones.  I made dinner, cleaned the counters, cleared off the table, put stuff away, did three loads of laundry, put clothes away... not a whole lot.  But anyway, the DH keeps telling me to stop because supposedly I was "overdoing it."  Well, fast forward two hours and I'm sitting and notice a full trash can.  I offhandedly say (more of a reminder to myself) that I need to empty a couple trash cans tomorrow.  And his response was that I needed to quit cleaning because he knows I'm going to hold it over his head.

What...
the...
H..
E...
Double...
Hockey...
Sticks??!?!?!?!

As soon as he said this I wanted to strangle him.  I finally feel good enough to contribute to the household cleaning and be a productive family member and his reaction is that he needs me to stop because somehow it affects him!  I would have understood if he said maybe he felt guilty or he really did think I was overdoing it, but by telling me I was going to hold it over his head totally diminished what I was feeling and what I had done.

So what do you think?  Does this warrant being able to murder him or maim him in some way?  Or could I be overreacting?

Disclaimer: this story is not about me... if you know me... please disregard that you know me and assume this is about a total stranger... cause it is... yeah.

All the Single Ladies

I think the way people feel about Valentine's Day can be fit into 3 categories:

1) They could care less and it's just another day. 

2) They think it is a wonderful way to celebrate love with somebody special.

3) They are bitter about being alone and therefore refuse to even log onto Facebook because just seeing the words "love" or "Valentine's Day" sends them running for a box of tissues and a bucket of junk food.

I'd like to talk about the third category.  I'll be honest, the major reason I use Facebook is to stalk people.  I'm intrigued by human nature, by sociology, by psychology, by the number of people that dumbfound me on a daily basis.  I do get some good chuckles here and there from funny pics, but mostly I just like to people watch... Facebook style.

Well, I'm FB friends with A LOT of single people.  The majority of whom never say a peep about it, it's just a fact of life.  But then I have a select few who complain about being single quite a bit.  They ponder why no one wants them, they talk about how depressing and lonely life can be when you're a party of one.  And then Valentine's Day comes and they either rant or avoid Facebook the whole day. 

My view on Valentine's Day is this: it's kind of like your birthday, but thankfully you're not turning another year older.  The jist is that your loved ones will be nice to you on this day because it's a special occasion- just like on your birthday.  You get gifts- just like on your birthday.  I was with someone for 10 years that didn't believe in celebrating Valentine's Day.  I was okay with it.  This year I actually had to google whether or not the girl is supposed to buy the guy a gift.  I don't know the rules.  (If you're wondering, etiquette says that she can, but it has to be small potatoes so as not to overshadow his gift.)  And the thought of receiving an expensive gift makes me cringe.  I am not a great gift receiver, because frankly, if I want something, I buy it for myself.  Opening presents in front of people is nerve wracking.  I'd be happy with flowers and not getting yelled at for a day- that's would be my ideal gift.  (Or a puppy.)

Anyway, back to the single ladies.  I like to think that I think like a guy sometimes.  And other times, I will ask guys their opinions... but it seems as though the last thing that is going to attract a guy is complaining about being single on Facebook.  I HAD a friend who is my friend no longer that would talk often on FB about how she was ready to be in love again, ready for a long term relationship... unless you're looking for Captain Desperate, most guys are not willing to come running to your door because you are looking for a husband.  Supposedly, men  like a challenge...

I don't know, I probably sound super condescending and judgmental.  I'm sure the rebuttals I will get (of course not out loud) will be that I wouldn't know because I'm not single on Valentine's Day or that I'm a Capital B who doesn't know what I'm talking about, but come on... it's okay to do a little self reflection- heck, I do it every day!  I know what rejection feels like.  I also know how to smile and pretend it doesn't hurt.  I know what it's like to think someone is going to acknowledge you on Valentine's Day, but then they don't and you find out later they went on a date with someone else.  And that's why you always have a back up plan of your own!!  I also know what it's like to be sad because you realize you have never received flowers at work.  Luckily, some random guy (hi, random guy!) sends you a dozen white roses at work one day because he thinks you seem like a chica who should get flowers at work.

Moral of story: don't be bitter because you're alone on Valentine's Day.  Be bitter because you're letting the world know that you're bitter.  It's just a day.  It's a day where we fatten the purses of all these corporations that are probably run by old men who cheat on their wives and pay for hookers on the side.  I have two kids that prohibit me from going out and doing anything, but I chose to pop those suckers out, so I will acknowledge them today as well!  It's all about sharing love, not about who does or doesn't love you back.

Is This a Girl Thing?

I like to think I'm not like all the other girls... of course that would be a little presumptuous of me.  I don't consider myself to be clingy, I'm not all about romance (although a little romance here and there is okay.)  So today, on one of my mind wandering trips, I was thinking about how men and women meet, date and either decide to be together forever or move on to the next poor sap.  The question always arises after an exchange of phone numbers about how many days the guy (or gal) should wait to call so as not to seem desperate.  Well, with texting and FB chat, that kind of makes a large gray area.

But, onto my point... For some reason, I like to know that I'm a hot commodity.  I've always had pretty good luck at getting the guy I've set my sights on.  But, is it a guy that I actually want?  I like attention, but only when I want it.  But I think it might be overkill of me to think that a guy should think about me at least once a day.  Therefore, I expect a text once a day saying, "hey!  I'm alive, are you?"  That's all... is that too much to ask?  Even if I don't wanna spend time with him or he doesn't want to spend time with me, I'd like to at least know that he remembers I exist.

Then what about those guys who send you 100 texts a day?  Should that make you worried?  Is there something to the idea of a chase?  Do chicks tend to fall harder for a guy who shows them tons of attention over a guy they like more, but doesn't show them enough?  Guys like a chase, right?  Do girls?  I recall liking guys here and there who didn't give me anything to chase, so therefore I wasn't interested.  But then when they stopped doting, I became interested again.  Then there was the one who I thought was interested, but then he would go days without letting me know that he was alive or checking to see if I was and although it was hard for me to throw in the towel, my pride made me. I know the Earth doesn't revolve around me, the tides don't come in because I'm happy, the sun doesn't rise and set by my moods... but don't we all want to feel a little special deep down?

I guess my point to all these ramblings comes back to these questions:  Is it really about the chase or do we decide to go with the one that shows us the most attention?  Is is possible to form a deep love with someone who can go days without speaking to you?  Do we just settle for what we can get because we can never get what we want?

My mind wonders...

You've Lost That Loving Feeling

Okay, so this is nothing new.  Everyone knows about this, but today I am choosing to bring it up because it is on my mind...

You know when you first start developing feelings for someone?  You're giddy, your pulse raises when you first see them, their kiss gives you butterflies, you think about them all the time when they are not around... well, why can't that last forever?  Why can't we be lovey dovey for life?  If you're sappy like me, then you see old people walking and holding hands and think, "I'd love for that to be me some day."  I think that is why so many people get divorced these days.  Well, this and the fact that people don't like putting up with anyone else's $hit.  I'd like to believe that every couple has these aforementioned feelings at some point in their relationship, if not, that is really sad.  But, why do these feelings go away?  Why can't we still get butterflies and racing pulses and googly eyes?  Is it because once people get comfortable with each other, they no longer feel the need to try? 

You know what gets me the most about that old couple holding hands?  They have been holding hands their whole lives!  I don't think a couple gets to be 80 and all of the sudden decides to start holding hands.  No, they have always realized what the other one means to them and they hold on to them because they never want to let them go.  Well, dammit, I wanna be holding hands with someone!  I wanna be snuggling with someone instead of arguing with them over who cleans more, why we shouldn't keep the cats, who wastes more money, why one of us used to be an alcoholic... and so on and so forth.  I want to sit on the same side of the couch instead of polar opposite and co-existing through life.  I want to spoon in bed instead of facing the opposite direction and lying on the edge of the bed.

What does it mean when people lose that loving feeling?  Does that mean they are no longer in love?  Is it a feeling that you can get back?  I'm not saying I'm perfect, far from it!  I know some of the arguments are my fault too.  And I know that sometimes the lack of affection can be from me being mad and withholding it.  But, I refuse to believe that a relationship has to be boring and vanilla.  I refuse to spend another decade of my life drifting through with a roommate.  I don't know what to do to get it back or if I should just jump ship now and enjoy being free.  Why can't things just be easy??

Why Valentine's Day Sometimes Really Does End in Bloodshed

To those who might find themselves assuming, some of these examples come from others, not just my own personal experiences:

Men are a strange beast.  Women are just a big jumble of emotional mess.  Women love Valentine's Day if they are with someone new, loathe Valentine's Day if they are with no one and resent Valentine's Day when they find themselves in a bitter point of life where they refuse to jump off the Titanic despite the fact it is clearly a sinking ship.

Men loathe Valentine's Day because they have to spend money... and lots of it.  If they only spend a little, they will look like cheapskates.  However, if they spend a bundle, it's never good enough.  Because all women want what they see in movies with rosepetal lined pathways and limos and hotel rooms with giant bathtubs and turn down service and chocolate covered strawberries.  Anything less is just a failed attempt at romance in their eyes.  And let's not get into the fact that 1 out of 5 marriage proposals happens on Valentine's Day.  And men, be prepared!  If you have been with a woman more than 8 months, she is secretly wondering about it.  Even though it might be the last thing on your mind, trust me, she is thinking it's a definite possibility.  And once a year has passed and countless Valentine's Days go buy without that bling bling ring, each Valentine's Day will mark another let down in her eyes.  No matter what you do, if there is not a ring, a little part of her soul dies.

Now what are my thoughts on Valentine's Day?  Well, I  have some people pondering this very thing.  Sure, I may seem like that whole, "I am woman, hear me roar" kind of thing, but let's face it- I AM a chick.  I'm a girlie girl in the worst possible way when it comes to romance, but apparently not when it comes to what I consider to be annoying gestures.

Honestly, I would be happy with an anonymously sent bouquet of flowers (white roses if you're interested).  Anonymous because I don't have to wonder about the intentions of the sender.  I don't have to wonder if they were sent as a meaningful gesture, if they were sent in hopes I'd think more highly of someone than I probably should or if they were sent merely from some obligatory ritualistic thought of what women want.

If you are someone that takes your phone with you into the shower because you don't want me to know who you text or who is texting you, then don't send me flowers.  If you are someone that gets angry because I spend too much time on my computer (which really isn't true) or because I'm addicted to my blackberry, don't send me flowers.  If you constantly talk to me about the rack on a chick at the bar BEFORE I comment on her rack, don't send me flowers.  If you eat lamb, veal or deer on a regular basis, don't send me flowers.  If you hunt, don't even acknowledge my existence.  But if you are someone who actually gives half a shit about my thoughts when I actually feel like sharing them with you and you don't fall under any of these categories, go ahead... even one rose would suffice!  I can be sappy when I want to be.  But don't ever sing songs to me in public and expect me to fake my way through not vomiting... cause I may be a sucker for romance, but I draw the line at public humiliation.

Now, if you are a woman who is with a man that cheats on you, you should expect nothing.  Because really, you're stupid.  If you choose to stay with someone that chooses not to hold you in their highest esteem shame on you.  But if you are only biding your time with them until someone better comes along, whatevs, just don't expect romance on Valentine's Day cause it's a sham.

And what should guys get for Valentine's Day?  Nothing.  Yeah, you heard me, nothing.  Everyone knows, but isn't willing to admit that Valentine's Day is actually Chick's Day.  No guy gives a crap and no girl gives good gifts.  All a guy really cares about on Valentine's Day is if their will be coitus involved.  Seriously.  Don't give him a card- not even a 99 cent one.

And what am I expecting this Valentine's Day?  Nothing.  Do I care?  I'll pretend I don't, but gestures do make the chick buried deep down inside me smile a bit.  You will know by my sour or sweet tweets around 10pm tomorrow night how that goes.

I'm definitely curious to see how real people wanna be in their comments on this...

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Short Story: Beauty & The Beast (An Internal Story of Conflict)

The Beast was one of those guys that thought he knew everything.  He refused to listen to anyone and just went with his gut on every major and minor life decision.  When it came to girls, he had a wall up and refused to let them in because it would be unbeastly of him.  The other beasts were much easier to hang out with than the female species.  Beasts are beasts and there is no drama, no heartache, no game playing, just beasts being beasts.


In reality, The Beast did not know much outside of the edges of his bitter soul.  He had been hardened by a previous pointless mistake and it had blinded him to the reality of goodness in the world.  He could no longer see the sun through the clouds and a smile was something that just occurred as a reciprocation of politeness.  He knew little outside the four walls of his own private hell.


Then he met Beauty.  Her soul was pure, her smile was genuine.  Some would say her only fault was being too nice.  (Well, that and her feet- she inherited the hideous feet gene.)  In her niceness, she failed to see evil.  She failed to consider the fact that the world wasn't always sunshine and roses all day long.  With her unwaivering smile, she set out to make the world a happier place, one person at a time.


One day Beauty met The Beast.  It was a chance meeting that was completely unplanned.  Beauty was in a state of mind of passing out daisies and rainbows to those around her.  The Beast was despondent.  Beauty felt her heart opening in sympathy and had decided to make it her mission to make The Beast whole again.  She invested her time, she devoted a small piece of her soul, she felt The Beast begin to crack and his smile start to radiate a little bit of truth.  She was hopeful that she could repair his shattered being.  But in her eagerness, she lost sight of her reason for being, her purpose in life- to share her generosity, warmth and kindness to everyone, not just one person.  She needed an intervention, but she didn't listen to those that told her The Beast was bad news.


After weeks of trying to bandage The Beast's hopeless soul, Beauty was entangled in a cloud of undulated happiness, having thought she had succeeded.


But she had failed.  The Beast, like a deer in the headlights of a freight train carrying lead and bullets, put the wall back up.  Beauty ran right into it.  She smacked her face so hard it left her dizzy, spinning, shocked.  For once, her smile faded and the world wasn't so rosey.  The bright hues around the objects in front of her were losing their luster.  What had happened?  Had she failed?  Her world no longer was what she had thought it was.  She, who had devoted her life to bringing joy to herself and ALL those around her, had done the ultimate disgrace to her being and fallen for The Beast, only to be blindsided by his dark heart.


Beauty wandered the forest of emotion that was wracking her body and her being.  Questions filled her head.  Was she not good enough to deserve affection from The Beast?  Why did she care?  Why had she failed to keep her promise to herself to stay true to her mission and not focus solely on one entity?


Beauty was crushed, but refused to let it ruin her.  She refocused her energy on all the positive things life still had to offer.  There were many people out there that still needed smiles.  She knew that The Beast still needed joy in his life, but she was no longer going to let him steal all of her radiance.  She was going to put a band-aid on the part of her heart that he had chipped away at and continue to bring sunshine into a world threatened by so much darkness.  Eventually the world became so enamored of Beauty's mission that the good people at Nobel decided to make a new honor- The Nobel Prize for Good Tidings.  Beauty was the first recipient.  She continues to wear a smile everywhere she goes...


And The Beast?  His tale does not end so pleasantly.  He is fortunate in that he still has a little Beauty in his life, but has since realized that being blackhearted is not what he really wants out of life.  He ventured on a roller coaster of skanks and misery that left him 50, thrice divorced and lonely.  

THE END

Seriously, Women??

I'm not a big fan of women... it's more of a generalized thing, cause I know there's quite a many great women out there.  I have a handful of female friends as well (not that I respect them all the time.)  I have just always been a better friend with guys because you don't have to deal with all the drama and the woman issues.

Lately, I've been thinking about this one thing that women do that absolutely drives me INSANE.  Why do women take men back that cheat?  Why?  I mean, do you really think he's not going to do it again?  Clearly he doesn't respect you and clearly you don't respect yourself.  I could handle a great many things in a relationship, but not being cheated on.  If I'm not good enough, so be it, I'd rather be alone or wait for someone who thinks I'm special *gag*.  But it has got to be humiliating to be cheated on, but then when a woman takes the guy back, it's like... are you serious?!  And don't get me started on when the man cheats multiple times.  Case in point, my friend Sharlyne was talking to me about this girl she knows that I've heard about.  I said to her (cause I'm a gossiping old biddy) "did you hear so and so cheats on so and so all the time?"  her response was, "oh yeah, everyone knows."  (don't judge my spelling, capitalization or grammar cause it's a blog yo!)  So I say to Sharlyne, "but they aren't married and they don't have kids, so why not break it off?  Is [said female] really that desperate?  Is her self esteem that low?"  And Sharky says to me, "actually they're trying to have a baby."

My jaw drops.
I shake my head.
Bile rises up in my throat.

We immediately end the discussion.  Cause seriously, I no longer blame the dude... she lets him do it and he's with an idiot, so what does she expect?

I know I am coming across harshly, but women, grow some backbones here!  No, I'm not a feminazi in the slightest, you won't catch me on a corner burning my bra and manbashing.  I just don't get it.  There is no way that these women can't find another man somewhere down the road.  And why do they need a man anyway?  How about taking the time to gain some self esteem and realize that we are all special and deserve to be respected.

And that is your lesson for the day.

Is This Rude?

I know that in life there is a great debate about everything between men and women. Something as little as the trash can turn into some huge to-do. And why is the trash such a big deal? My theory is that if you see that it's full, take it out. Yes, I'm sure my husband sees that it's full and doesn't take it out, but instead of worrying about him, it's faster if I just do it myself, cause really, it's not that hard.

But here's the situation that I'm wondering about:

I hate sitting still... I can't do it. I can't just sit and watch tv and I can't just sit and listen to someone talk to me. For some reason, I have this constant need to be doing something. Case in point, I know that it is important to show respect by making eye contact, but I have to be doing something else while someone is talking to me. Whether it's reading the paper, looking at my blackberry or surfing the internet, I find myself doing something else, but I'm listening! I could recite back what was just said. I don't know if this is something a lot of women do versus something men rarely do or if it is a personality type function. Well, anyway, apparently some people think it's rude and can't get over it.

Anyone have any insight into this? Where do you stand on this issue?

One of Those Unwritten Rules

You know how sometimes in etiquette there are unwritten rules about things you just shouldn't say or do?

For instance, you should never ask a lady when she'd due unless you know for a fact that she is actually pregnant. Wait for her to mention it or wait until someone else has told you (that is reputable for telling the truth) that the lady is indeed pregnant. Otherwise, you might be placed in the awkward position of finding out that they are not even pregnant or that they have given birth- six months ago!

Well, I have thought of another one that I think is quite important! As a friend, when your good buddy breaks up with their partner, your immediate reaction is often to talk about what a bum said ex was. For example, if my friend Crystal and her husband split, I might think that it would make her feel better if I told her how much better off she was without him or how much of a bum he was. (Whether I felt that way or not.) We do this because we want our friends to realize that life will go on and that they are a good person and can do better.

BUT, I have never done this and would never do this because it is my experience that over half the time, the people end up getting back together! Then, not only does your friend now feel awkward that you dogged on their man like that, but if she tells him what you said, he will always question your sincerity when you are being friendly.

This works on both sides, too, not just if it's a girl or a guy. As a girl, if I were to find out that when my fella and I split, his best friend was instantly trying to find him tail, then we got back together, I would have lost quite a bit of respect for said friend.

I know, I know, the men reading this (if there are any) would say he had every right to do it, but... I'm not going down that road!

So, this is my warning to all of you that don't follow this unwritten rule of etiquette. Give the relationship a little cooling off time before you jump in on the mudslinging bandwagon. Even if your friend is bashing their ex themselves, it is better not to put in your two cents on the ex until it is pretty obvious there is no hope of the relationship surviving.

Friday Rant: My Beef With Girls

So, I've always been a tomboy. Whether I was wearing a dress or jeans, I was a tomboy at heart. In high school, all my friends were guys, I played tackle football with them (until I had to get stitches and my dad made me quit) and I just had more fun with guys in general.

And my philosophy has always been that "girls are backstabbing $%^!@es." I'm 27 years old and still can't stay friends with girls very long. I think it is because most girls I know always have that weakness when it comes to men and I'm a very independent woman. Now, I'm not a feminazi, I just think that women can live without men and shouldn't use them as a crutch.

Now on to the point at hand. I have my good friend Susan who became one of my besties after she dated my brother-in-law. They broke up and I won her. We work well because we talk about anything BUT men.

Then I have this friend who I'll call "Marla." Marla has filed for divorce at least 3 times and her husband cheats on her, calls her fat and demeans her constantly. She leaves him and calls me all the time, but then he suckers her back in and she stops talking to me. Then, when we do hang out, she wants to stalk him and talk smack about whomever he is dating and things of such nature. This is not my thing. I don't like knowing that she is weak. I feel bad for her and her kids and want to be a good friend, but this is a little much for me.

Now back to my beef with girls. If you're an independent woman, terrific, let's be friends, lol. But if you're one of those women who thinks life has no meaning without a man, take a number and if I have room for one of you as a friend, I'll let you know... but don't hold your breath.

Men as friends are always just about fun and living life to its fullest. Not saying all men are great friends, but this is just why I think they make better friends.

Now that I've got that off my chest, I'm gonna relax and go back to my non-drama filled life, sans the crazy women.

The Great Debate/The Great Compromise

You know, I was reading in my social psychology text about the three facets of love that people seek in a relationship- they are passion, decision/commitment and intimacy. They are also called the defining features of love and are based on Sternberg's triangular model of love. Anyway, the thing that I find shocking is that respect usually does not even come close to topping the list when someone talks about what they are seeking in a partner. Say what?!

Which leads me into the great debate. If you are a stay at home mom (SAHM) and that is because you want to cry just looking at your child's face and you can't imagine parting for one moment with this precious bundle of joy... you're a rarity, an anomaly and I applaud you.

But, if you are one of those women who is a SAHM for some other reason, whether it is money reasons (cheaper than finding daycare while working minimum wage) or because you feel it is your duty, then you probably know what I'm referring to.

Women that stay at home all day long while their husbands are at work don't get much free time. And there is a constant debate on who is working harder. Neither side will admit it, but they both think that they themselves are and think the other one has it much better off. So, when the husband gets home from work, the wife secretly wonders when he is going to take over so she can breathe. And if she acts too pushy, the husband is going to think she is a nag.

I know this because I've been there. I don't like being labeled a SAHM because it's not my dream. I'm a student and plan to work full time when I graduate. My husband would go to work every day and I was envious. Then we'd argue about who had a tougher job, but he would never admit what I already knew- he thought I had it easy.

So, this is where the respect part comes in. If you respect your partner, you want them to be happy and stress free. This calls for a need to compromise. Okay, agree to disagree and realize that you both are overwhelmed and that kids can be a handful, but your kids deserve the best you they can get and a stressed out mom or dad is not at their best.

My husband and I finally came to a compromise (after 3 years, haha) and it was because he was staying up so late to get "free time" that he'd be exhausted every day and I was going to bed at the same time as the kids and getting up at the same times as the kids and thinking "when do I get free time?!" What we decided to do was give the kids a normal bedtime (8pm) and the hubby would take them into the bedroom and lie with them while he watched tv and they went to sleep. He would do this for 2 hours while I got "free time" and then I'd go into bed.

Now, this works great for us because right now we all have to share a room until we get a new house and my 14 month old is clingy and we don't want to let him cry it out.

So our solution may not be exactly what your solution would be, but I urge people in this situation to think about a compromise. Love SHOULD be about respect and you have to open your mind sometimes and think about your partner. My husband and I have learned to compromise about so many things in our six years of marriage that hopefully we can continue on this path.

Good luck if you have these same issues and I'm here if you need an ear!

No More I Love Yous?

Have you ever thought about the simple phrase, "I love you?"

Parents generally say it to their children, spouses, significant others, partners say it to each other, grandparents and so on.

But why do people STOP saying it? Is there some magic number that some parents feel it is time to stop telling their children? I try to tell my children more than once a day. Affection doesn't come naturally to me, so I had to make it become a habit because I wanted my kids to grow up in a very nurturing environment. I can't recall when my own parents stopped saying it to me, but they did. Am I any worse for it? I don't feel so, but who doesn't like hearing that they are loved?

On the other hand, what about the parents who tell their children they love them all the time, but have funny ways of showing it. Do their words count for more than their actions? As an adult, the awkward feeling of hearing a parent whom you have lost all trust for tell you that they love you, feels almost painful.

And then there are spouses. My husband and I were those crazy gaga people when we first met that thought that love conquered all and that poo smelled more like roses just because we were in love. Well, we've long since passed that phase! The "I love yous" get fewer and more far between with each year that passes. I often listen to the end of people's phone calls to their partners and wait to hear the closing. You can always tell whether it's a new relationship or not by how exuberantly the closing is stated. And it always seems as though you don't hear "I love you" at the end if it's a couple whose been together awhile.

It's a sad state of affairs when people just assume that someone else knows they love them and that it is no longer necessary to say it. And who doesn't like hearing those words? So, as you're kissing your children goodbye or tucking them in at night, or as you're waving to your spouse before work in the morning, perhaps take the time to say "I love you." And if you say it enough, it just might become a habit.