I don't proofread my posts before I publish them... cause I keep my thoughts au naturale.

Monday, August 30, 2010

The Watermelon Festival

As you may or may not know, I might be a hick from the sticks.  I live in a rural area, so every summer the even smaller towns hold festivals honoring a fruit or vegetable of sorts.  There's the grape festival, sweet corn festival and watermelon festival- I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of them right now.

Anyway, I'm told that the watermelon festival is hands down the only one worth attending.  I recall going in high school and having fun.  But, having a fun hater for a husband, I haven't been in years.  Well, now that A is four, I can have lots more fun with her.  So, I resolved to take her to the watermelon festival.  I learned that I am apparently an old fart when it comes to rides and my daughter is a thrill seeker.  I also learned never to trust a carnie because some of them seem to have a God-complex.

So, we went.  The first 10 minutes ended with watching a verbal fight ensue between some trashy people who released some f-bombs and biznatches in front of not only their children, but about 30 other children in the vicinity.  Oh, the classy people that walk amongst us! 

So, my daughter was all excited about the rides.  I was not so much excited, because for some reason, I am a wuss when it comes to my life flashing before my eyes.  Well, the first ride she wanted to go on was this whirly thing that spun you up, down and around.  I seriously about tossed my cookies.  I was so disappointed in myself.  Of course, I wasn't gonna be THAT mom that barfed all over an amusement ride, so I held it in.

Well, as the night progressed we ran into some friends.  One of whom was more than willing to take A on that ship ride that swings like a pendulum.  There I was, watching in amazement as my four year old went on ride after ride after ride while I stood in awe of her braveness.  After some rides, we ate the required free watermelon, checked out the games and ridiculously priced food.  Then, it was getting near time to go.  I had purchased tickets in lieu of the $15 arm-bands that let you ride as many rides as you wanted all night.  A and a friend's daughter Z decided they wanted to go on "Moby Dick."  This ride is too horror-evoking to explain.  All of the adults looked around at each other to see who was going to volunteer to take the kidlets on the ride... and silence... and finger pointing... and silence.  So, finally I say that I will do it because guilt at the idea of these kids not getting to ride this last ride was more overwhelming than my fear and potential nausea.

This ride was a whopping 5 tickets a person and I only had 8.  So, an acquaintance happened by and offered me her bracelet.  I figured I could rig it up on my wrist somehow, so right in front of this carnie game woman who looked like she was ridiculed in high school for being an uber-dike and an ugly one to boot, glared at us as if we were plotting to steal the Hope Diamond.  So I get in line with A and Z and we wait our turn.  Well, said carnie woman comes trotting (or should I say manly striding) over to the man operating the ride.  She tries to be all nonchalant, but I know her type... she's a narc... a big ole narcy narc narc face.  So, I say to my friends, "20 bucks says she just ratted me out to that dude."  I have one of my friends go snag me 2 more tickets and I give up on the recycled bracelet idea.

We go to get on the ride and the man nicely takes my tickets.  I can barely bring myself to relay what happened next.  I clung to dear life to my harness.  I closed my eyes as tight as humanly possible.  It was death coming for me.  It was a nightmare.  I didn't scream, cause once again, I didn't wanna be THAT mom.  But, some random 8 year old sitting next to me yelled, "Open your eyes you're an adult!!"  If I weren't on that ride...

And it ended.  With most of my body still in tact, I walked slowly over to my friends.  It was over... I was alive.  And here's the kicker...  while I was on the ride, the dude operating it called over ole' beefcake Yolanda and laughingly told her that I paid with tickets.  AHA!!!  Take that, Nazi!  And go back to your loserville Loser McLosenstein corner... eat it... with a spoon.... *dancing*  I showed the carnie who had the college degree... woot, woot...

And now I'm  THAT mom... the judgmental one who makes fun of carnie folk... *sigh*

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

A's First Day of Preschool

So yesterday was A's first day of preschool.  She had her backpack ready and it was filled with the required school supplies.  She was excited and so was I.  One down, one to go!  Now I am only counting down the days until L is in school.  It was cute because the teacher gave us this sweet note about wiping away our tears and putting our feet up.  I said to my mom, "why would people cry?"  She informed me that people DO cry and she used to stand in the hall with a box of kleenex to offer people.  Well, not me!  I want my kids to be independent because no one likes leeches.  HAHA!

Anyway, since I think she was the cutest one there, I thought I'd share a picture or two from A's first day.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Interesting Forward of the Day

My mum forwarded this to me.  I thought it was good!  I'm just going to do the first one for today.

                        1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

 During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one: 

 "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?" 

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name? 

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. 

"Absolutely, " said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people.  All are significant.. they deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson.. I also learned her name was Dorothy. 

This is completely true!  My husband and I went to the same orthodontist in high school.  He would say the name of one of the assistants and I would have no clue whom he was referring to.  He said, "you don't know any of the assistants names?"  And I didn't.  I guess I didn't think it was important, but he did.  Likewise, the other day I called my vet clinic to make an appointment for my parents' cat.  I didn't recognize the name of the woman who answered the phone, but when I gave her my name she said, "oh hi!" as if she knew who I was.  This is probably true, but I only know the names of the actual doctors.  It makes me feel snooty that I don't take the time to learn the names of everyone in an office, not just those in charge.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Conversation with a Deer

I was riding my bike last night when I happened upon a deer standing along the road.  I stopped my bike and decided to have a conversation with the deer.

Me: Hi, Deer!
Me: Hey, there's an apple tree a couple blocks down.  I saw another deer eating there earlier.  Was it you?
Deer: ...
Me:  If it was you then nevermind.  Otherwise, go eat them apples!
Deer: ...
Me:  Well, you stay safe and don't go out in the road!
Deer: ...

And then I rode away.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Music Monday: Top 10 Favorite Songs of All Time Part 1

Here are the first half of my top 10 favorite songs of all time (no particular order):

"Push"- Matchbox 20

"Far Behind"- Candlebox

"My Immortal"- Evanescence

"November Rain"- Guns N Roses

"Everlong"- Foo Fighters