I don't proofread my posts before I publish them... cause I keep my thoughts au naturale.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Does This Scenario Justify Homicide?

So, if you've ever been pregnant, chances are that you know what it's like to be exhausted.  Between the body aches, the fatigue, the emotional roller coaster... there aren't many of the 40 weeks that we have extra energy.  Okay, there's a few of you crazy ladies that spend the time doing the exact same activities, working out constantly and feeling great... well... poo to you.

Usually the second trimester is where you have the opportunity to start feeling a semblance of normality.  Well, I'm a week away from my third trimester and for the past 3 or 4 weeks I've actually felt up to doing the normal cleaning things that I used to do.  I get worn out a little faster and have to break more often, but I like feeling useful and not handicapped.  I've been keeping up on the dishes, doing more laundry, picking up, etc.

So, today I don't know why (especially considering the recent bouts of insomnia) but I was feeling ambitious!  No, I didn't do any grandiose tasks, just menial ones.  I made dinner, cleaned the counters, cleared off the table, put stuff away, did three loads of laundry, put clothes away... not a whole lot.  But anyway, the DH keeps telling me to stop because supposedly I was "overdoing it."  Well, fast forward two hours and I'm sitting and notice a full trash can.  I offhandedly say (more of a reminder to myself) that I need to empty a couple trash cans tomorrow.  And his response was that I needed to quit cleaning because he knows I'm going to hold it over his head.


As soon as he said this I wanted to strangle him.  I finally feel good enough to contribute to the household cleaning and be a productive family member and his reaction is that he needs me to stop because somehow it affects him!  I would have understood if he said maybe he felt guilty or he really did think I was overdoing it, but by telling me I was going to hold it over his head totally diminished what I was feeling and what I had done.

So what do you think?  Does this warrant being able to murder him or maim him in some way?  Or could I be overreacting?

Disclaimer: this story is not about me... if you know me... please disregard that you know me and assume this is about a total stranger... cause it is... yeah.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Things I Miss About Not Being Fat

So here's my weight fluctuations in nut shell.  Up until around 9th grade I would say I was "large framed," but not really fat.  I didn't have a gut or anything, but I was by no means skinny.  I accepted it and was oblivious to the idea I may have been judged for my weight.  (Although in 8th grade I did have a boy in my class say something quite mean to me and awkwardly his dad brought him to my house to apologize for it because he got sent to the principal's office.  Thank God I wasn't home and my dad took the message.)

Then my metabolism kicked in and I started losing weight up until my senior year.  Of course I felt like I could always be thinner, but I didn't need to be.  And of course my parents thought I had an eating disorder (probably still do to this day) but I surely did not!  So, my psychiatrist at the time put me on Paxil, which he failed to mention makes you turn into a cow in a short amount of time.  (I still think he conspired with my parents to do this.)  Anyway, for the next 10 years I was in a state of depression that I had no willpower or ambition to get out of.  Then, I got on a good antidepressant, felt good about life again, started exercising for funsies and bam- weight started melting off!

I felt sooooo good about myself.  I had confidence, I liked wearing cute clothes and I was pretty well content with my looks.  Then I got on the Mirena... and that demon spawn device from the bowels of hell did a number on my body... I felt 8 months pregnant all the time.  And then I got it out... long story short, I AM pregnant (only 6 months, not 8) and I'm super chunk again.

But here's where the things I don't miss come in.  You really do notice how people react when you're fat versus not-fat.  Seriously.  There's certain looks that people give you that border on disgust and revulsion.  They don't want to look you in the eye, they act like you're a leech on society.  And I feel like if I ever go through a drive thru I have to wear a disguise because I know they are thinking I don't need to be there.  And going to the doctor makes me cringe.  Nurses can be so judgmental!  (not all of them, but most it seems.)  AND doctors!  And they act like you do nothing but eat chili fries with a tub of mayonnaise on them all day every day.  It is awful.  And anytime anyone is mean to you for any reason, you always ask yourself, "is it because I'm fat?"

But when you're not fat, you can walk the earth freely without dirty glares, whispers and glances.  People smile at you, they hold doors for you, they don't secretly hope you get hit by a bus because they are burdened by your existence in their non-fat world.  So hopefully after I pop this kid out I can go back to being not-fat.  After knowing what the world is like without being judged, I don't know if I can handle it if I don't lose weight.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Favoritism Torks Me Off!!

Of course favoritism is everywhere- jobs, friends, family, etc.

But what especially torks me off is favoritism amongst parents and their children.  Here's why:

I'm one of four kids.  As far back as I can remember, my parents did the exact same thing for birthday and Christmas.  They had a set amount of money they spent on each of us.  For our birthday we were either given X dollars in cash or in the form of gifts.  Likewise for Christmas was the same deal.  All four of us got the exact same amount.  That way none of us felt like someone else got a better deal or we got the shaft.  It's the same now.  We get a check for our birthdays and a check for Christmas.  If you're married you get X and if you're single you get Y (and if you're just in a relationship, you still get the single rate.)  I like this idea and I use it with my own kids.  Somehow my mom even worked it out so that we all opened the exact same amount of presents too.  I don't recall feeling as though anyone was given special treatment over any others while we were all living at home.  Of course, I felt like they each had a favorite child, but that was an emotional thing, not a concrete thing.  I'm sure my siblings don't feel the same way as I do, but they don't realize that they chose to live far away and so of course in regards to "quality time" they don't get as much, nor do their children.  But that's their own cross to bear.

BUT, I've come across families where the favoritism is so blatantly obvious it hurts my stone cold heart to witness.  Why anyone makes their other children sit through anything ceremonious when they make no attempt to quantitatively make them even, I will never understand.  Case in point:  one year for his birthday my ex brother-in-law wanted a Playstation 2.  At the time they were around $300.  He got it.  The following year, my ex-husband asked them for one for his birthday.  It was over $100 less, but they did not want to buy it because it was "too expensive."  Hmm, so why was it not a big deal the year before?  And my ex was given a hand-me-down car and his brother got to pick a car that they bought for him. 

Anywho... I have other current examples (those were quite old) but I can't post them cause... you know... people get mad.  But I don't understand how parents can see what they're doing and how wrong it is!  And sometimes it's not just parents.  I've seen so much of this in the past few years that it just boggles my mind.  Do people not think about these things or do they just not care?  Why is one child sooooo much more special than another that you can't hide your giddiness in talking to the favorite and act like you wouldn't pee on the "lesser" child if they were on fire.

Frankly, I'm disgusted.

And frankly, I'm happy that's one thing I don't have to talk to my therapist about in regards to my upbringing.

If you're going to favor a child, here's a thought: don't rub it in the other kids' faces... $#@!#$!%#

Saturday, March 17, 2012

The New Dark Shadows- Why, God, Whyyyyy???

Okay, so I remember hearing rumblings about this a couple years ago, but I forgot.  Then today I was watching a YouTube video and the trailer for the new Dark Shadows movie came on.  My first reaction was joy... about 10 seconds in it was worry... about 30 seconds in it was sadness... then by the ends I was ready to weep.

I became in love with Dark Shadows when the 1991 version aired on NBC.  In case you've forgotten (or missed out on it):

"In 1991, a short-lived prime-time remake was produced by MGM Television and aired on NBC from January 13 to March 22. The revival was a lavish, big budget weekly serial combining gothic romance and stylistic horror. Although it was a huge hit at introduction (watched by almost 1 in 4 households according to official ratings during that time period), the onset of the Gulf War caused NBC to continually preempt or reschedule the episodes resulting in declining ratings. It was canceled after the first season.

The final episode ended with a cliffhanger: Victoria Winters (Joanna Going) learning that Barnabas Collins (Ben Cross) was a 200-year old vampire. It has been reported that the opening episode for a proposed second season would have had Victoria collapsing, after seeing Barnabas, and losing her memory of his terrible secret."

Back to the horror of this new film (which comes out May 11.)  So I saw that it starred Johnny Depp as Barnabas and I thought that would be great!  Then I started to realize he was awfully pasty looking (think Alice in Wonderland and Charlie & the Chocolate Factory) and thought, "isn't Barnabas supposed to be attractive?"... then horror set in as I started to wonder if it was a Tim Burton production... then I saw Helena Bonham Carter... then I cringed as I realized they had turned the movie into a campy comedy from Tim Burton's "reimagining."  And now I have no interest in seeing the movie.

I've caught episodes here and there of the original series (that aired from 65-71) because it used to be in syndication on some station back in the day, but like I said, I fell in love in 1991 and was so disappointed that it ended after one season.  Of course I was like 9, so I got over it quickly.

But the thought that they could have adapted it for the big screen with the classic love story and Barnabas being charming and deep... that would have been great.  But then they had to ruin it and let that dang Tim Burton get his annoying little hands on it and I can't freaking stand Helena Bonham Carter!

Anyway, here's the trailer... feel free to commiserate with me.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Things I Didn't Miss About Being Pregnant

I'm definitely not throwing a pity party right now.  I know compared to many women, my pregnancies are pretty easy- I've never had morning sickness.  (That alone makes it easier than most!)

But I don't know if it's my age (being pregnant now at 30 versus being 23 and 26 with my first two) that has made me feel like this one's rougher or if I'm becoming more of a wimp, but I have realized there are quite a few things I did not miss about being pregnant!

1) The lack of sleep.  Finding a comfortable position and being able to stay asleep is next to impossible.  I'm a stomach sleeper, and that's been pretty much out of the question since around the 8th week.  I have a body pillow, but I still find it hard to sleep.  So when I do get sleep, it's only in small doses because then I'm up using the bathroom every couple hours.

2) The aches.  Mostly it's my lower back, but I went through like 2 solid weeks of crotchel region pain while my muscles were expanding or whatever and literally I could barely pick my feet up off the ground.  Then there's the leg aches, the charlie horses some nights...  and of course the impending pain of squeezing out a 10 lb kid (which is what my son weighed.)

3) The weight gain.  And ooooooh do I gain!  No matter what I eat, how much, how little, drinking water, drinking diet soda, drinking juice, no matter whether I'm eating/drinking healthy stuff or not, I pack it on.  And not just the cute volleyball stomach.  It's everywhere!  I made a joke about looking like I am smuggling a basketball and my SO said, "or six."  Not cool to say to a pregnant woman.  So, of course I can't buy maternity clothes in my pre-pregnancy size because those assume you only gain in your midsection.  Nope, I have to buy maternity in 2 sizes bigger because that's how much weight I've packed on... not to mention the swelling in my hands, legs, feet.

4) The tiredness.  I mentioned lack of sleep, but there's the physical fatigue too.  I get worn out walking up the stairs in my house.  I get worn out walking around the grocery store. 

5) The clothes.  Maternity clothes are NOT cute.  Unless you're getting basic jeans or tee shirts, you're out of luck cause most everything is hideous.  I find that I'm better off just buying normal clothes with empire waists because they are cuter and fit over my stomach. 

Well, that's probably enough for now.  I need to bathe my daughter... which is going to wear me out and leave me incapacitated for a good 20 minutes.