Things I Miss About Not Being Fat

So here's my weight fluctuations in nut shell.  Up until around 9th grade I would say I was "large framed," but not really fat.  I didn't have a gut or anything, but I was by no means skinny.  I accepted it and was oblivious to the idea I may have been judged for my weight.  (Although in 8th grade I did have a boy in my class say something quite mean to me and awkwardly his dad brought him to my house to apologize for it because he got sent to the principal's office.  Thank God I wasn't home and my dad took the message.)

Then my metabolism kicked in and I started losing weight up until my senior year.  Of course I felt like I could always be thinner, but I didn't need to be.  And of course my parents thought I had an eating disorder (probably still do to this day) but I surely did not!  So, my psychiatrist at the time put me on Paxil, which he failed to mention makes you turn into a cow in a short amount of time.  (I still think he conspired with my parents to do this.)  Anyway, for the next 10 years I was in a state of depression that I had no willpower or ambition to get out of.  Then, I got on a good antidepressant, felt good about life again, started exercising for funsies and bam- weight started melting off!

I felt sooooo good about myself.  I had confidence, I liked wearing cute clothes and I was pretty well content with my looks.  Then I got on the Mirena... and that demon spawn device from the bowels of hell did a number on my body... I felt 8 months pregnant all the time.  And then I got it out... long story short, I AM pregnant (only 6 months, not 8) and I'm super chunk again.

But here's where the things I don't miss come in.  You really do notice how people react when you're fat versus not-fat.  Seriously.  There's certain looks that people give you that border on disgust and revulsion.  They don't want to look you in the eye, they act like you're a leech on society.  And I feel like if I ever go through a drive thru I have to wear a disguise because I know they are thinking I don't need to be there.  And going to the doctor makes me cringe.  Nurses can be so judgmental!  (not all of them, but most it seems.)  AND doctors!  And they act like you do nothing but eat chili fries with a tub of mayonnaise on them all day every day.  It is awful.  And anytime anyone is mean to you for any reason, you always ask yourself, "is it because I'm fat?"

But when you're not fat, you can walk the earth freely without dirty glares, whispers and glances.  People smile at you, they hold doors for you, they don't secretly hope you get hit by a bus because they are burdened by your existence in their non-fat world.  So hopefully after I pop this kid out I can go back to being not-fat.  After knowing what the world is like without being judged, I don't know if I can handle it if I don't lose weight.

Mirena=Evil?

If you are a guy, you may want to not read this... or if you grew up referring to things as "monthly visitors" and blush at the though of contraceptives, this is not for you either.

So, when the Mirena came on the market, the idea of a birth control that lasted 5 years sounded like a miracle!  No more pills, patches, shots, etc. that you have to remember because one memory lapse could equal a bundle of joy in the making!  But, the idea that for 5 years you don't have to remember anything sounds fantastic!

Or does it?

I'm not saying that these can't be related to other things.  I'm not a doctor.  I haven't run tests on myself, but I feel like since it's my body, I just KNOW.  I was very wary of getting on Mirena because I had several friends and acquaintances tell me they didn't like it and had it removed or were thinking of having it removed.  But, after talking to the nurses, and being assured that it had very little side effects, I decided to take the plunge.  I also shared my concerns with them about how I hate adding extra hormones to my body because I have enough emotional problems as it is with being bipolar.

But ever since I had it put in, I've had these nagging suspicions and it just hasn't felt right.  I'm not saying it's unnatural... more like having a little piece of Satan embedded into your uterus... just saying.  Since getting on the Mirena, I have gained 15 lbs, felt bloated ALL THE TIME, been more depressed, crabby, etc.  I asked a couple months into having it about the weight gain and was told, oh, it doesn't cause weight gain.  I don't know if these people are just uninformed or have been brainwashed into telling all these women that the Mirena is completely harmless.

Well, I have never felt bloated in my life except when I was pregnant or occasionally during PMS.  I constantly feel like I'm 8 months pregnant!  I'm fatigued 95% of the time, I have no energy, I don't want to be seen in public, I'm already so bloated that the idea of drinking alcohol makes me fear I will explode, I get headaches, I get nauseous, I'm moody... ugh!  Like I said, I don't know if this is all from the Mirena, but from the intense googling I've been doing lately, these are all side effects.  Another big one I've read about is hair loss.  I don't know if this is true for me or not.  I've always had really thick hair and always shed like crazy, so yes, I still shed like crazy, but I don't know if it's anymore than usual.

I made an appt. to have the Mirena removed, but they can't get me in until the 17th.  I can't wait!  I will keep you posted on if it makes a difference or not.  I have read that some people notice an instant change.  I've read that some people go through withdrawal symptoms... but I'm anxious to experience it myself.

I just hope that more people will think about looking at the bad side to Mirena from other sources than what the company prints out or from the people who are getting some kind of kick back from endorsing the product.  I'm going to go back to ortho tri-cyclen.  Heck, I'd rather give birth to 10 children than enduring what I've been going through since I had my Mirena put in in December.  UGH!