You know how sometimes in etiquette there are unwritten rules about things you just shouldn't say or do?
For instance, you should never ask a lady when she'd due unless you know for a fact that she is actually pregnant. Wait for her to mention it or wait until someone else has told you (that is reputable for telling the truth) that the lady is indeed pregnant. Otherwise, you might be placed in the awkward position of finding out that they are not even pregnant or that they have given birth- six months ago!
Well, I have thought of another one that I think is quite important! As a friend, when your good buddy breaks up with their partner, your immediate reaction is often to talk about what a bum said ex was. For example, if my friend Crystal and her husband split, I might think that it would make her feel better if I told her how much better off she was without him or how much of a bum he was. (Whether I felt that way or not.) We do this because we want our friends to realize that life will go on and that they are a good person and can do better.
BUT, I have never done this and would never do this because it is my experience that over half the time, the people end up getting back together! Then, not only does your friend now feel awkward that you dogged on their man like that, but if she tells him what you said, he will always question your sincerity when you are being friendly.
This works on both sides, too, not just if it's a girl or a guy. As a girl, if I were to find out that when my fella and I split, his best friend was instantly trying to find him tail, then we got back together, I would have lost quite a bit of respect for said friend.
I know, I know, the men reading this (if there are any) would say he had every right to do it, but... I'm not going down that road!
So, this is my warning to all of you that don't follow this unwritten rule of etiquette. Give the relationship a little cooling off time before you jump in on the mudslinging bandwagon. Even if your friend is bashing their ex themselves, it is better not to put in your two cents on the ex until it is pretty obvious there is no hope of the relationship surviving.
So true! You never know what is going to come back and bite you in the ass.ReplyDelete
I had somebody at work say something about me being pregnant. I was wearing a sort of babydoll type top. I was mortified! I had my son 7 years ago!
Very true! I used to be one of the ones that I would break up and get back with a boyfriend repeatedly and every time we're break up, my friends would bash him... and then when we got back together, I knew what my friends were thinking.ReplyDelete
That being said... I don't do that anymore. Now if we're split up, we're split up. We broke up for a reason and it obviously was a good one. But that's just what I learned from it! :)
Also, if you fight with your partner and he/she talks crap about your friends, do not repeat that.ReplyDelete
I had a close friend who got into a fight with her husband. To retaliate, she decided to tell me all the mean things he said about my fiance and I. A week later, they are back together. Well I was still bitter about all the crap her husband said about us. I meant to email it to a 3rd party but I emailed it to her instead! Oops...
I wrote that I would be fake to her husband just for her benefit because she is such a great friend. Well she got pissed and we aren't friend any longer. I am OKAY with that. Their drama was too much for me to handle.
Good point. Good point. It's better to be though a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt. Because that's what I usually do.ReplyDelete
Oh, man, I'm sure we've all had plenty of foot in mouth moments. Thank goodness I've never asked someone about being pregnant when they weren't!ReplyDelete
Clearly you ladies are quite smart about this etiquette stuff!