I don't proofread my posts before I publish them... cause I keep my thoughts au naturale.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Why Valentine's Day Sometimes Really Does End in Bloodshed

To those who might find themselves assuming, some of these examples come from others, not just my own personal experiences:

Men are a strange beast.  Women are just a big jumble of emotional mess.  Women love Valentine's Day if they are with someone new, loathe Valentine's Day if they are with no one and resent Valentine's Day when they find themselves in a bitter point of life where they refuse to jump off the Titanic despite the fact it is clearly a sinking ship.

Men loathe Valentine's Day because they have to spend money... and lots of it.  If they only spend a little, they will look like cheapskates.  However, if they spend a bundle, it's never good enough.  Because all women want what they see in movies with rosepetal lined pathways and limos and hotel rooms with giant bathtubs and turn down service and chocolate covered strawberries.  Anything less is just a failed attempt at romance in their eyes.  And let's not get into the fact that 1 out of 5 marriage proposals happens on Valentine's Day.  And men, be prepared!  If you have been with a woman more than 8 months, she is secretly wondering about it.  Even though it might be the last thing on your mind, trust me, she is thinking it's a definite possibility.  And once a year has passed and countless Valentine's Days go buy without that bling bling ring, each Valentine's Day will mark another let down in her eyes.  No matter what you do, if there is not a ring, a little part of her soul dies.

Now what are my thoughts on Valentine's Day?  Well, I  have some people pondering this very thing.  Sure, I may seem like that whole, "I am woman, hear me roar" kind of thing, but let's face it- I AM a chick.  I'm a girlie girl in the worst possible way when it comes to romance, but apparently not when it comes to what I consider to be annoying gestures.

Honestly, I would be happy with an anonymously sent bouquet of flowers (white roses if you're interested).  Anonymous because I don't have to wonder about the intentions of the sender.  I don't have to wonder if they were sent as a meaningful gesture, if they were sent in hopes I'd think more highly of someone than I probably should or if they were sent merely from some obligatory ritualistic thought of what women want.

If you are someone that takes your phone with you into the shower because you don't want me to know who you text or who is texting you, then don't send me flowers.  If you are someone that gets angry because I spend too much time on my computer (which really isn't true) or because I'm addicted to my blackberry, don't send me flowers.  If you constantly talk to me about the rack on a chick at the bar BEFORE I comment on her rack, don't send me flowers.  If you eat lamb, veal or deer on a regular basis, don't send me flowers.  If you hunt, don't even acknowledge my existence.  But if you are someone who actually gives half a shit about my thoughts when I actually feel like sharing them with you and you don't fall under any of these categories, go ahead... even one rose would suffice!  I can be sappy when I want to be.  But don't ever sing songs to me in public and expect me to fake my way through not vomiting... cause I may be a sucker for romance, but I draw the line at public humiliation.

Now, if you are a woman who is with a man that cheats on you, you should expect nothing.  Because really, you're stupid.  If you choose to stay with someone that chooses not to hold you in their highest esteem shame on you.  But if you are only biding your time with them until someone better comes along, whatevs, just don't expect romance on Valentine's Day cause it's a sham.

And what should guys get for Valentine's Day?  Nothing.  Yeah, you heard me, nothing.  Everyone knows, but isn't willing to admit that Valentine's Day is actually Chick's Day.  No guy gives a crap and no girl gives good gifts.  All a guy really cares about on Valentine's Day is if their will be coitus involved.  Seriously.  Don't give him a card- not even a 99 cent one.

And what am I expecting this Valentine's Day?  Nothing.  Do I care?  I'll pretend I don't, but gestures do make the chick buried deep down inside me smile a bit.  You will know by my sour or sweet tweets around 10pm tomorrow night how that goes.

I'm definitely curious to see how real people wanna be in their comments on this...

Happy Valentine's Day!!!


  1. After almost ten years of marriage, Valentine's Day has become blah. It's a day for single people and newlyweds. Men can only fake the appearance of being romantic for so long. As women, we should remember the inspirational words of Whitney Houston--"learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all." Sniff. Sniff. Stop it, Whitney! Geez!

  2. Wow. I disagree with this entirely, AND I'm a woman. What a collection of huge sweeping generalizations. Maybe it's because I haven't been a reader for very long, but I can't decode if you're being serious here, or joking, or just really trying to piss women off by being so narrow-minded.

    You claim that women fall into one of three categories on how they feel toward V-day, and that it's directly influenced by their relationship status on said day. I beg to differ. Every year, single or not, I've taken it upon myself to give small gifts to my coworkers and friends, something to make them smile or laugh. This year, even though I do have a significant other, I went to dinner with one of my single girlfriends on actual V-day. He had his kids that night, and I wasn't the least bit resentful or hurt that I didn't get to see him. I know he cares about me whether it's 2/14 or any other day of the year.

    He and I did get together the night before for dinner. I received a single heart-shaped balloon and a small box of those chalky Sweet-tart candies with the little messages written on them. If he spent 5 bucks on all of that together, I'd be surprised. He did pay for dinner as well. But I was not in the LEAST disappointed that there weren't rose petals/strawberries/stretched limos/a live marching band/etc. Previous years I've received dvds or a single flower, and it's all been appreciated. It doesn't have to be extravagant to be meaningful.

    And seriously, if he ever proposes to me ON V-day, I will be disappointed. Not all of us live on this "We've been together 8 months, WHEN is he gonna propose??!" clock you referred to. That's so completely ridiculous.

    Also? V-day is not just for the girls. For his Valentine's gift, I took him to a live theater performance and paid for dinner. He was very excited about this, as he doesn't know much about theater yet but wants to learn, and being able to give him that experience was a wonderful feeling. If you TRULY want to hang onto your theory that Valentine’s is just for the ladies…well, I guess the boys get Steak and a BJ Day on March 14th. But that’s one we’ll celebrate anyway, even though I gave him V-day gifts.

    So. Not all women are shallow, self-absorbed harpies when it comes to Valentine's Day. Not all of us are bitter and sneering when watching everyone around us getting flowers. And not all of us feel we have the right to demand extraneous displays of adoration. This entire post just made me shake my head in bemusement, hoping that there are other women out there that don't fit into these confining generalities.

  3. I guess to each their own, but I think that my jaded sweeping generalizations are the consensus of the realists in life and not the idealists. We'd all love that storybook romance, but it doesn't exist. Maybe most of us would like to think we aren't selfish and greedy, but we are. We're human, we're American, we're inherently selfish.