So, if you've ever been pregnant, chances are that you know what it's like to be exhausted. Between the body aches, the fatigue, the emotional roller coaster... there aren't many of the 40 weeks that we have extra energy. Okay, there's a few of you crazy ladies that spend the time doing the exact same activities, working out constantly and feeling great... well... poo to you.
Usually the second trimester is where you have the opportunity to start feeling a semblance of normality. Well, I'm a week away from my third trimester and for the past 3 or 4 weeks I've actually felt up to doing the normal cleaning things that I used to do. I get worn out a little faster and have to break more often, but I like feeling useful and not handicapped. I've been keeping up on the dishes, doing more laundry, picking up, etc.
So, today I don't know why (especially considering the recent bouts of insomnia) but I was feeling ambitious! No, I didn't do any grandiose tasks, just menial ones. I made dinner, cleaned the counters, cleared off the table, put stuff away, did three loads of laundry, put clothes away... not a whole lot. But anyway, the DH keeps telling me to stop because supposedly I was "overdoing it." Well, fast forward two hours and I'm sitting and notice a full trash can. I offhandedly say (more of a reminder to myself) that I need to empty a couple trash cans tomorrow. And his response was that I needed to quit cleaning because he knows I'm going to hold it over his head.
What...
the...
H..
E...
Double...
Hockey...
Sticks??!?!?!?!
As soon as he said this I wanted to strangle him. I finally feel good enough to contribute to the household cleaning and be a productive family member and his reaction is that he needs me to stop because somehow it affects him! I would have understood if he said maybe he felt guilty or he really did think I was overdoing it, but by telling me I was going to hold it over his head totally diminished what I was feeling and what I had done.
So what do you think? Does this warrant being able to murder him or maim him in some way? Or could I be overreacting?
Disclaimer: this story is not about me... if you know me... please disregard that you know me and assume this is about a total stranger... cause it is... yeah.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Monday, March 19, 2012
Things I Miss About Not Being Fat
So here's my weight fluctuations in nut shell. Up until around 9th grade I would say I was "large framed," but not really fat. I didn't have a gut or anything, but I was by no means skinny. I accepted it and was oblivious to the idea I may have been judged for my weight. (Although in 8th grade I did have a boy in my class say something quite mean to me and awkwardly his dad brought him to my house to apologize for it because he got sent to the principal's office. Thank God I wasn't home and my dad took the message.)
Then my metabolism kicked in and I started losing weight up until my senior year. Of course I felt like I could always be thinner, but I didn't need to be. And of course my parents thought I had an eating disorder (probably still do to this day) but I surely did not! So, my psychiatrist at the time put me on Paxil, which he failed to mention makes you turn into a cow in a short amount of time. (I still think he conspired with my parents to do this.) Anyway, for the next 10 years I was in a state of depression that I had no willpower or ambition to get out of. Then, I got on a good antidepressant, felt good about life again, started exercising for funsies and bam- weight started melting off!
I felt sooooo good about myself. I had confidence, I liked wearing cute clothes and I was pretty well content with my looks. Then I got on the Mirena... and that demon spawn device from the bowels of hell did a number on my body... I felt 8 months pregnant all the time. And then I got it out... long story short, I AM pregnant (only 6 months, not 8) and I'm super chunk again.
But here's where the things I don't miss come in. You really do notice how people react when you're fat versus not-fat. Seriously. There's certain looks that people give you that border on disgust and revulsion. They don't want to look you in the eye, they act like you're a leech on society. And I feel like if I ever go through a drive thru I have to wear a disguise because I know they are thinking I don't need to be there. And going to the doctor makes me cringe. Nurses can be so judgmental! (not all of them, but most it seems.) AND doctors! And they act like you do nothing but eat chili fries with a tub of mayonnaise on them all day every day. It is awful. And anytime anyone is mean to you for any reason, you always ask yourself, "is it because I'm fat?"
But when you're not fat, you can walk the earth freely without dirty glares, whispers and glances. People smile at you, they hold doors for you, they don't secretly hope you get hit by a bus because they are burdened by your existence in their non-fat world. So hopefully after I pop this kid out I can go back to being not-fat. After knowing what the world is like without being judged, I don't know if I can handle it if I don't lose weight.
Then my metabolism kicked in and I started losing weight up until my senior year. Of course I felt like I could always be thinner, but I didn't need to be. And of course my parents thought I had an eating disorder (probably still do to this day) but I surely did not! So, my psychiatrist at the time put me on Paxil, which he failed to mention makes you turn into a cow in a short amount of time. (I still think he conspired with my parents to do this.) Anyway, for the next 10 years I was in a state of depression that I had no willpower or ambition to get out of. Then, I got on a good antidepressant, felt good about life again, started exercising for funsies and bam- weight started melting off!
I felt sooooo good about myself. I had confidence, I liked wearing cute clothes and I was pretty well content with my looks. Then I got on the Mirena... and that demon spawn device from the bowels of hell did a number on my body... I felt 8 months pregnant all the time. And then I got it out... long story short, I AM pregnant (only 6 months, not 8) and I'm super chunk again.
But here's where the things I don't miss come in. You really do notice how people react when you're fat versus not-fat. Seriously. There's certain looks that people give you that border on disgust and revulsion. They don't want to look you in the eye, they act like you're a leech on society. And I feel like if I ever go through a drive thru I have to wear a disguise because I know they are thinking I don't need to be there. And going to the doctor makes me cringe. Nurses can be so judgmental! (not all of them, but most it seems.) AND doctors! And they act like you do nothing but eat chili fries with a tub of mayonnaise on them all day every day. It is awful. And anytime anyone is mean to you for any reason, you always ask yourself, "is it because I'm fat?"
But when you're not fat, you can walk the earth freely without dirty glares, whispers and glances. People smile at you, they hold doors for you, they don't secretly hope you get hit by a bus because they are burdened by your existence in their non-fat world. So hopefully after I pop this kid out I can go back to being not-fat. After knowing what the world is like without being judged, I don't know if I can handle it if I don't lose weight.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Favoritism Torks Me Off!!
Of course favoritism is everywhere- jobs, friends, family, etc.
But what especially torks me off is favoritism amongst parents and their children. Here's why:
I'm one of four kids. As far back as I can remember, my parents did the exact same thing for birthday and Christmas. They had a set amount of money they spent on each of us. For our birthday we were either given X dollars in cash or in the form of gifts. Likewise for Christmas was the same deal. All four of us got the exact same amount. That way none of us felt like someone else got a better deal or we got the shaft. It's the same now. We get a check for our birthdays and a check for Christmas. If you're married you get X and if you're single you get Y (and if you're just in a relationship, you still get the single rate.) I like this idea and I use it with my own kids. Somehow my mom even worked it out so that we all opened the exact same amount of presents too. I don't recall feeling as though anyone was given special treatment over any others while we were all living at home. Of course, I felt like they each had a favorite child, but that was an emotional thing, not a concrete thing. I'm sure my siblings don't feel the same way as I do, but they don't realize that they chose to live far away and so of course in regards to "quality time" they don't get as much, nor do their children. But that's their own cross to bear.
BUT, I've come across families where the favoritism is so blatantly obvious it hurts my stone cold heart to witness. Why anyone makes their other children sit through anything ceremonious when they make no attempt to quantitatively make them even, I will never understand. Case in point: one year for his birthday my ex brother-in-law wanted a Playstation 2. At the time they were around $300. He got it. The following year, my ex-husband asked them for one for his birthday. It was over $100 less, but they did not want to buy it because it was "too expensive." Hmm, so why was it not a big deal the year before? And my ex was given a hand-me-down car and his brother got to pick a car that they bought for him.
Anywho... I have other current examples (those were quite old) but I can't post them cause... you know... people get mad. But I don't understand how parents can see what they're doing and how wrong it is! And sometimes it's not just parents. I've seen so much of this in the past few years that it just boggles my mind. Do people not think about these things or do they just not care? Why is one child sooooo much more special than another that you can't hide your giddiness in talking to the favorite and act like you wouldn't pee on the "lesser" child if they were on fire.
Frankly, I'm disgusted.
And frankly, I'm happy that's one thing I don't have to talk to my therapist about in regards to my upbringing.
If you're going to favor a child, here's a thought: don't rub it in the other kids' faces... $#@!#$!%#
But what especially torks me off is favoritism amongst parents and their children. Here's why:
I'm one of four kids. As far back as I can remember, my parents did the exact same thing for birthday and Christmas. They had a set amount of money they spent on each of us. For our birthday we were either given X dollars in cash or in the form of gifts. Likewise for Christmas was the same deal. All four of us got the exact same amount. That way none of us felt like someone else got a better deal or we got the shaft. It's the same now. We get a check for our birthdays and a check for Christmas. If you're married you get X and if you're single you get Y (and if you're just in a relationship, you still get the single rate.) I like this idea and I use it with my own kids. Somehow my mom even worked it out so that we all opened the exact same amount of presents too. I don't recall feeling as though anyone was given special treatment over any others while we were all living at home. Of course, I felt like they each had a favorite child, but that was an emotional thing, not a concrete thing. I'm sure my siblings don't feel the same way as I do, but they don't realize that they chose to live far away and so of course in regards to "quality time" they don't get as much, nor do their children. But that's their own cross to bear.
BUT, I've come across families where the favoritism is so blatantly obvious it hurts my stone cold heart to witness. Why anyone makes their other children sit through anything ceremonious when they make no attempt to quantitatively make them even, I will never understand. Case in point: one year for his birthday my ex brother-in-law wanted a Playstation 2. At the time they were around $300. He got it. The following year, my ex-husband asked them for one for his birthday. It was over $100 less, but they did not want to buy it because it was "too expensive." Hmm, so why was it not a big deal the year before? And my ex was given a hand-me-down car and his brother got to pick a car that they bought for him.
Anywho... I have other current examples (those were quite old) but I can't post them cause... you know... people get mad. But I don't understand how parents can see what they're doing and how wrong it is! And sometimes it's not just parents. I've seen so much of this in the past few years that it just boggles my mind. Do people not think about these things or do they just not care? Why is one child sooooo much more special than another that you can't hide your giddiness in talking to the favorite and act like you wouldn't pee on the "lesser" child if they were on fire.
Frankly, I'm disgusted.
And frankly, I'm happy that's one thing I don't have to talk to my therapist about in regards to my upbringing.
If you're going to favor a child, here's a thought: don't rub it in the other kids' faces... $#@!#$!%#
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