I don't proofread my posts before I publish them... cause I keep my thoughts au naturale.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

My Thoughts On: Monogamy


As you know, I'm a free thinker. I don't expect to have hoards of people who agree with me, and I definitely don't think I'll find too many with this one, but it would be great to be pleasantly surprised!

People always talk about how penguins and humans are notoriously known for being monogamous. I DO NOT think that humans are meant to be monogamous, I just think that because we have high levels of thought function, we have convinced ourselves as a society that we are supposed to be monogamous. People use the words "soulmate" and "love of my life" to describe "the one." I think this is bunk!

I believe in compatibility. You could "fall in love" with a lot of people, if you find people that are compatible with you and you are in the mindset that you're available.

But, there's a huge flaw in the monogamy theory. Two words: adultery & divorce. That gives me an inkling that human beings are not meant to be monogamous. How many people stay in a miserable marriage for years (or life) just because they think that they are "in love" with the person they are with or that the Bible doesn't go for divorce. I'm pretty sure that Jesus didn't die for our sins so that people could blame him for the reason they are staying in a miserable marriage.

Okay, so just because I don't believe that monogamy is really meant to be part of the human condition, that does not mean that there should be promiscuity running rampant in society. That would be what separates us from the monkeys. We should have the intelligence not to put disease and ickiness out there.

So, if you're in a beautifully, wonderful, fun filled, happy, monogamous relationship, more power to you! It's a rarity! But, if you think like me and realize that life's about compatibility and that some people change and are not compatible for ever, then kudos to your free thinking attitude!

What do you guys think about this? Anyone think I'm stupid and want to yell at me? Anyone want to marry me cause they love my attitude (sorry, I'm not biting!) Tell me what you think!

POST ADD:

I wanted to point out because I realized it might sound like I condone cheating. I totally don't! Cheating on someone is the ultimate form of disrespect. That's why if you realize that monogamy is unrealistic, you don't tell someone you're committed to them if you're not.

10 comments:

  1. Everyone's different...... no rules that apply to us all.
    I only disagree with one thing that you say: "people change and are not compatible for ever" - in that some people change and remain compatible. More accurate to say "some people change and are not compatible for ever"...
    By the way, you put me onto this via Twitter - thanks :-)

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  2. Very interesting post. While I think that polygammy isn't necessarily a bad thing, I do think that the human condition is towards monogomy. I've read alot about evolution in what it means to be human. Desmond Morris is a great writer on the subject. The reason we divide up in pairs is that it's better for child raising. But mother nature has a lot of tricks to get us to pass on our genes, like a bad pair coupling can last up to two years, plenty of time to have a kid and make the bonding more permanent or`that women maybe biologically wired to cheat.
    Sorry this got so long, but I get so excited about talking about this kid of stuff.

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  3. Interesting thoughts and I agree with you to a certain extent. I think that even though we can be in love with different people at the same time and find compatability with different people at the same time, there's the emotional intimacy of a 1-1 relationship that goes deeper than just compatability. I'm not talking about a soulmate because I don't believe in that, but a connection with someone that goes beyond the day to day and I'm not sure that the type of intimacy I'm thinking about can be shared with a group. Plus, monogamy is just a lot easier because no matter how free thinking we are, I'm not sure we're above jealousy.

    Michael
    http://twitter.com/Michael_Fishman

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  4. You all brought up very good points! I agree with Anonymous 1 that I should have said "some people" because that is true that there are rare occasions when yings and yangs mesh well forever.

    faemom- I don't know about polygamy. Why marry multiple people? Why not just date multiple people? But this Desmond Morris fellow sounds interesting!

    Anonymous 2- It is true that it is hard to obtain intimacy and closeness unless you are very much an open book. Monogamy makes people more comfortable in their own skin sometimes.

    And length is of no import here! You can write an essay if you'd like!

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  5. I have a lot more digesting to do before I post my actual reply (there's a lot to think about in this), but for now, I'll just be a copyeditor:

    Two words: adultery & divorce. That gives me an inkling that human beings are meant to be monogamous.Was that supposed to say "...that human beings are NOT meant to be..."?

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  6. I agree with you on a certain level. I don't think there is anything inherent in our genetic makeup that causes us to be predisposed to monogamy. In fact, I think that the factors you pointed to (in addition to some others) illustrate that, at a base level, human beings are NOT geared towards that.

    That being said, human society is, in many ways, always been dependent upon this construct. At a high level, monogamy has evolutionary benefits for the female, but the opposite is true for the male. At a base evolutionary standpoint, there is a survival benefit for the female of the human species to encourage monogamy - it provides protection and support for both the female and the offspring. However, the male is genetically geared towards distribution of offspring, as much as possible, to ensure the spread and survival of his DNA.

    Like you said, however, we are not monkeys. We are not primitive man. We are advanced human beings, and there are more important drivers than the survival of our genetic makeup as individuals. Healthy family relationships allow our society and culture to thrive and move forward. Stability in a family environment will help our offspring to grow up smarter and more capable...I think.

    Ultimately, the mistake that is made is to use words like "soulmate" and "love of my life" (as you alluded to). To me, marriage is much more than just spending the rest of your life with someone who gets the crotch of your pants tight - it's a partnership in a long-term project. It's compatibility for things like raising a family (for some), or maybe just as much as someone you can expand the quality of your life with.

    This is not to say that this stability and partnership comes at the expense of attraction. It's foolish to expect someone to never think "Man, it would be pretty fun to boff someone who wasn't my wife". But then again, as you said, we are not monkeys. We are supposed to be high-level thinkers that can control our urges and think beyond the immediate gratification.

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  7. Sarah aka CrazyCatLadieApril 27, 2009 at 6:43 PM

    Sometimes I feel "men" aren't meant to be monogamous. I don't believe in soul mate, I believe you can be compatible with more than one person.
    Monogamy....I believe it does exist dependant on the person.

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  8. That's so insane!

    "I believe in compatibility. You could "fall in love" with a lot of people, if you find people that are compatible with you and you are in the mindset that you're available."

    I said that to my husband all the time while we were dating and he agreed! Almost with exact words LOL of course with more "uh"s and "ums" and pauses and less eloquence.

    I agree with that-- I also believe its in one's nature to just be curious about others and yehp-- this doesn't mean that it's condoning cheating!

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  9. had to post! I would marry you, but you would be sick of me within twenty minutes (if that!) I appreciate the relationship you have with your husband, i think the two of you make an interesting pair. not in a bad way, its just what works for you two. btw, i think your writing is really great!

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  10. First of all I would like to say I enjoy your style of writing! Its easy to read and its fun to read!

    I agree with a lot of what you say. i like to say that a lot of people are "in lust" and use "in love" to often.

    great blog! look forward to future posts!

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