I'm Such a Fool!

I'm so mad at myself!

I have been having so many problems with my ex and he has been doing nothing but try to make my life hell.  I have been trying to take the high road through this whole thing and it gets me nowhere but lying in the fetal position bawling my eyes out!!!

When I moved to the town I live in now I had been dating my boyfriend for 3.5 months.  I dealt with phone calls from my ex when I first moved where I got screamed at and cussed out for hours at a time.  I received texts telling me to "get my boyfriend's dick outta my mouth and answer the g**damn phone."  I put up with so much and after several months of dating when I decided it was okay for my boyfriend to meet my kids, my ex FLIPPED!  He was irate and made things even more hellacious for me.

Well, through all the times I've tried to be the better person and despite him treating me so badly and trying to screw me over at every turn while giving me NOTHING for child support, I still let him convince me that we were going to get along and be good for the kids.

So, get this:  he hasn't seen  the kids for 6 weeks because he "didn't have gas money."  And he finally gets them back yesterday because I felt bad that it was father's day weekend.  He told me he'd keep the kids on their normal schedule which involves them going to bed at 8pm.  I asked him to have them call me every night at bedtime so I could talk to them.  Last night it was 8:45p and he said he'd get them on the schedule today.  So, tonight they called me at 9:15p.  They were outside catching fireflies at his girlfriend's house where they were spending the night.  He hasn't seen his kids for 6 weeks and has been seeing her for like a month and decided the second night he had them back they should spend the night at her house.  UGH! 

I'm so tired of letting my guard down and trusting him only to have him F me over!  And I've asked him to get my permission to take them out of state.  She lives in another state and he didn't ask me or give me a heads up.

I know this makes me sound bitter, but when you've been treated the way I have only to have him be hypocritical, it is rough.

Like someone told me today, though, "the cream rises to the top."

I'm gonna try to breathe through it... one day at a time.