The Email I WANTED to Send

Preface: Ever been pushed past your limit by a condescending student who blames you for their laziness? Yeah, me too. What follows is the absolutely unprofessional, completely unsendable, but 100% therapeutic draft of the email I fantasized about sending. I didn’t actually send it—because I’m a professional (unfortunately). But writing it saved me from throat-punching my laptop.

Subject: Read. The. Fucking. Rubric.

Dear J. the Fuckface,

I don’t know whether to be impressed by your confidence or concerned about your reading comprehension. Let me break this down for you in the simplest terms possible, since everything else I provided apparently flew straight over your head like a fucking weather balloon.

Yes, you were required to include five sources in your final annotated bibliography. Where was that listed? Oh, I don’t know—maybe in the rubric I told everyone to check. You know, the one attached directly to the assignment? The one I referenced multiple times? The one that starts with the words “5+ sources”? That rubric?

But sure—let’s pretend it wasn’t clear. Let’s pretend the personal video, the student example, the MLA guides, and the detailed assignment instructions weren’t enough. Let’s pretend I just threw this together on a napkin and expected you to mind-read.

Spoiler alert: I didn’t. You just didn’t pay attention. Again.

And now, instead of taking responsibility for missing obvious instructions, you’ve decided to email me with a passive-aggressive tone suggesting I “make that clear” next time. Bold move for someone who writes sentences like “I’ve took your feedback.”

Here’s some feedback in return: next time, try doing the actual assignment and reading the materials like a functioning adult instead of a discount Reddit troll. If you’d spent half the energy on your paper that you spent trying to gaslight your instructor, you might’ve gotten that A you think you deserved.

Now go forth and take several seats. Preferably in a remedial reading course.

Unapologetically,

C.

Sunday Rant: People Tork Me Off! (part one)

I'm sure upon reading this some of you are going to just pish posh my thoughts aside because you think I'm either being hormonal, cranky or off my meds.  Well, I can assure you the latter is not true.  It is just hard being the type of person who has not once had the testicular fortitude to tell someone how I really feel.  I have had user friends galore, been walked on, talked down to, yelled at, you name it.  And I just sit back and accept it as part of life.  Do I wish I knew how to stick up for myself or stick up for what I think is right?  Absolutely.  But my fear of confrontation and/or being murdered in my sleep keeps me from saying a peep.

Also, let me say that I am not a prude.  I consider myself to be extremely open minded and I accept people for their flaws (as I expect people to accept me for mine.)  It takes a lot for me to completely drop all communication with someone.

Anyway, on to my point.  It amazes me how sad the human race is becoming.  I mean, there's the obvious that there are people murdering each other and that itself is ridiculous.  But, I'm referring more to things on a smaller scale.  For example, the other day on Facebook someone was bragging about driving home drunk and made a joke about being a wonderful role model.  Yes, because putting other people's lives in danger because you're too dumb/cheap to find another way home is REEEEAAALLLY hilarious!  People who tell me that college is the time for partying baffle me.  Really?  If I wanted to spend 40k on a party, it better be a lot more fun than any party I've ever been to!  And hey, if you're gonna party it up, just be sure to finish school while you're there.  Oh, you didn't?  Gee, somehow your theory that college was for partying didn't pan out because you missed the part about getting a degree at the end.

And finally, let me get on my high horse about drugs.  Again, I'm not some holier-than-thou person (although I'm probably coming across as one now.)  I've made it 30 years without drugs.  I have three older siblings and I'd wager a big chunk of money that NONE of them have done drugs.  I'm talking anything above alcohol.  Man, how have we made it this far in life without doing drugs?  Gosh, what a waste of life we have all had! 

I get it- people smoke pot.  I used to be frustrated with the idea, but I quickly realized more people were doing it than I realized.  I've accepted it.  I'm okay if they legalize it.  I guess I'm a little clueless on its purpose, but I don't avoid people knowing that they do it.  And I've been fortunate that the friends I've had that do, respect me enough not to try to push it on me. 

Part Two of this rant will post tomorrow... I bet you can't wait!!!

Friday Randomness

My mind is a jubblyjoo of things I want to say, but are brief, so I'm throwing them in one blog as a stew. Enjoy and hopefully your brain doesn't explode.

1) So, the UPS guy has come TWO DAYS IN A ROW. I am super stoked about this and think that means good things. Because life is sad when UPS doesn't come around for weeks.

2) I need to thank Annette at Fairy Blog Mother Blog for giving me a "Let's Be Friends" award. How sweet! Apparently (according to my husband) no one wants to be my friend, so it's always nice to prove him wrong, lol. Much love to her!

3) Twitter: I love twitter. If you're not on twitter, you're a dinosaur. And people who give "tips on how to succeed at twitter" annoy me. Guy Kawasaki annoys me. Ashton Kutcher (on twitter) annoys me. Just enjoy it and people will come.

4) Online friends: I'm one of those "friends when I feel like it" kinda people- I know, sad, but true. I do have a handful of friends in real life, but only for the occasional instances when I feel like going out. I've got a few friends that I used to be friends with IRL, and am now reconnecting with online and enjoy that bond. Then there's new online friends who I enjoy. So, it's like they're there when I want cause I only talk to them on the computer, lol. Okay, maybe not the best friend ideals, but I want to give them a shout out! (Nellie, Crystal, Misty, more to follow.)

5) I AM DONE WITH MY UNDERGRAD!!! Thursday I took my final test and I am DONE! I don't officially graduate until May (who knows when they'll mail my diploma), but I have nothing left to do in order to graduate but twiddle my thumbs! I'm so excited, because off and on, I've been in college (3 different ones) for NINE stinkin' years! I've never taken more than a semester off and never taken less than 6 hours when I was enrolled. Hallelujah and way to go, me!

6) I have come to the realization that my favorite food is mashed potatoes and gravy. I should have known this awhile ago, but only have since realized it as the truth. I used to say my dad's chili or tacos. Sorry to my dad's chilis and tacos, but you have been bounced from the number one spot!

7) Am I forgetting anything? I don't think so. I have more giveaways coming up, like dvds and what not. Some of the Twilight sponsors would like another go of it and I'm more than happy to oblige! I'm hoping to be inspired by some more original content soon. I have one brewing in my mind, but have to think about how to approach it so as not to draw mass hate mail.

Hope you are enjoying your spring! (Not that it will affect me in any way.) Keep the comments coming and don't forget to check out my sponsors listed to the left because that makes them like me.