I don't proofread my posts before I publish them... cause I keep my thoughts au naturale.

Monday, September 17, 2012

"Overwhelmed" is profanity.

whelm verb: to submerge, engulf

overwhelm verb (used with object) 

1. to overcome completely in mind or feeling: overwhelmed by remorse.

2. to load, heap, treat, or address with an overpowering or excessive amount of anything

I have an extreme abhorrence for the word "overwhelmed" but mainly when people try to use it in regards to me.  I had one of the top 5 worst experiences in my life happen about 3 years ago in grad school and a certain pompous meanie face with total social ineptitude had the gall to say that I might be "overwhelmed" with my work load and personal life.  I was livid!  And of course the other aspects of that incident left me wondering about humanity and how on earth people could be so vicious and unfeeling blows my mind.

Well the other day my new therapist used the word "overwhelmed," but in a question as in, "do you feel overwhelmed and is that causing...?"  And of course the answer is no.  I don't feel overwhelmed.  She wasn't saying it in a mean or accusing or negative way, so I won't fault her for that.

Although I think that people may assume I am overwhelmed, whether from my behavior, irritability, throwing things at walls, no, I am not overwhelmed.  I would never take on more than I can handle.  In fact, I thrive on being busy.  Yes, some days I want to just bum it out, but I can't stand the thought of lying in bed all day, sitting around in my pajamas all day, watching tv all day... maybe for the first part of the day I can sit and chill, but that's about it.  My mind begins to flood with the things that I could be doing but I am not.  

I work, but not full time.  I am taking 3 grad classes right now, but I should have been finished two years ago.  I have 3 kids, but they are pretty great kids and I have a wonderful husband who helps me immensely.  Sure I get a bit frustrated when I am inundated with questions and ideas thrown at me in a 30 second period of time.  Sure I get set off by little things time to time, but that has to do with my mental illnesses and not because I am completely overwhelmed.

So if you think I am, I am not.  I am as busy as I want to be.  Life is short and you gotta pack as much of it as you can and right now I think there are many other things in life I could be doing.  

Oh, and I've been having a great physical issue with having a complete lack of energy and my psychiatrist is an idiot (as they all seem to be so far) and she just keeps throwing wacky meds at me to try and help me out.  

But I'm not overwhelmed.

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