I don't proofread my posts before I publish them... cause I keep my thoughts au naturale.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Fingers Crossed?

I feel completely torn about something.

I was asked to teach a class this summer at work and of course I said yes.  At the time, I'm pretty sure I knew that I was pregnant, but my memory is awful, so I don't remember.  Being my third, I know what it's like to juggle responsibilities and a baby.  I also know that within about a week of giving birth I was ready to take on the world!  So, unless for some reason I ended up with a c-section, I don't imagine having to take more than a week off.  My job isn't physically demanding and equates to sitting at home talking for a couple hours.

Now, here comes the ambivalence.  The closer it gets, the more I'm hoping the class gets canceled.  I don't want to leave the baby with a stranger right away (if I have to at all) and I can't rely on family to babysit.  Plus my older kids would have to go to daycare and paying for 3 kids in daycare would pretty much wipe out my entire paycheck!  So, it would make the most sense for me not to teach the class. 

But here's my one reason to teach it: I don't want to look bad to my boss.  I'm afraid if I turn it down or say I can't do it that I will come across as unreliable and it will affect his offering me more classes down the road.  I'm only an adjunct, so there is no real job security for me.  Plus, I know it would put him in a bind finding someone else to teach it.

HOWEVER, he told me that for the class to stay on the schedule there have to be 8 students enrolled.  Right now there are 2 and summer classes start May 30.  So I kinda feel like I'm secretly keeping my fingers crossed that I won't have enough students enrolled.  But then I feel like that's wrong of me.  YOU can keep your fingers crossed for me though... and if you don't tell me, I won't have to feel bad!

What would you do if you were me?

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