Dear Dish Network,
All right, I'm putting my foot down. The frustration pot in the pit of my stomach has been slowly simmering for over a year now, but is starting to boil over and if my complaint is not remedied soon, it is going to turn into a molten lava of anger burning to the bottom and the sides and leaving a nasty roasted aluminum smell throughout the countryside.
You stole ABC from me. I understand, it was a law, you were no longer able to offer distant networks. But, here is what I know- there is a local affiliate that carries ABC and says that they are waiting for you to put them in your line-up. Touche, Dish Network! What is the hold up? I can not get a waiver and I have been void of my precious Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives for far too long.
Sure, I could watch them on the computer, but who wants to break their neck in an uncomfortable chair when they can be lounging languidly in the the luxury of their glorious rocker recliner?
Not I, Dish Network. Thankfully SoapNet has spared me the horror of being without General Hospital, but you have successfully got my goad.
Here is your ultimatum, Dish, if that is indeed your real name: I have remained silent, but now learning who the new cast of the next season of Dancing With the Stars is, I can wait no longer. Ty Murray and Jewel will be the first married couple. The train wreck that is Denise Richards has me mesmerized.
You, Dish Network, shall get me my precious ABC before the new season of DWTS begins or I will start mailing stinky sardines in poorly insulated envelopes to your head offices until this atrocity is remedied.
The gauntlet has been cast. My pot is a'boil. Get 'er done, ye nasty villains!!