I don't proofread my posts before I publish them... cause I keep my thoughts au naturale.

Sunday, April 4, 2021

Untold Stories of the Bible: The Easter Bunny

Every year since I've been a parent, I've asked myself, "what does the Easter Bunny have to do with Jesus?"  Here's what I know about Easter.  It's a very very dumbed down interpretation, so don't come at me with the actual verses because I'm not 100% accurate.  Jesus was crucified and his body was placed in a cave.  Three days after that his body rose to Heaven.

So where does the Easter Bunny come into play?  Why have we somehow decided a rabbit, candy, and eggs correlate to this very un-Disney-like scripture?  Upon some surface level research, I only found some general correlations to the idea of rabbits and eggs representing new life, but frankly my dear, that's pretty lame.

Therefore, I have come up with my own story of why the Easter Bunny is a representation of one of the Holiest of Holidays (see what I did there, etymologists).  I'm not presenting this so that you can present it to your children as if it's a fact.  You shouldn't tell such ridiculous stories to your children.  You should share this story with your friends... and social media... like I am.  Mark your calendars that I'm copyrighting this story as of today, April 4, 2021.

"Jesus and the Empowered Bunny"

Three days post-crucifixion, Jesus arose from the dead.  He was ready to climb the Stairway to Heaven, but found himself barricaded in a cave.  The cave was blocked by a giant boulder.  Worn out from his days of being nailed to the cross, Jesus looked around the cave for help.  The only other living being was a rabbit.  Apparently when Jesus' body was placed in the cave, the rabbit had darted in and been trapped.  Jesus looked the rabbit in the eyes and the rabbit showed no fear.  He came over and sat at Jesus' wrapped feet.  Jesus explained the situation to the rabbit and that for them both to be free they needed to move the boulder.  Jesus held the bunny's paw and together they prayed for strength.  Suddenly, the rabbit stood on its two hind legs and drop kicked the boulder right out of the cave.  They were both free!  Jesus and the bunny hugged it out.  Jesus told the Bunny he would be rewarded in Heaven upon his death.  As a reward for his bravery, all rabbits from then on would not have rancid gross poops, they would have small round brown poops... that over the years have been misconstrued as ovals, then eggs, brown eggs... chocolate eggs... candy... eggs...

There you have it.

You're welcome.