So I need to vent. As you should all know if you follow my blog, I'm bipolar. Well, I have been without one of my meds for almost two weeks. Here is why:
When I moved from my last town in August, I had several months worth of pills left. Well, thinking it would be a quick and painless transition, about 3-4 weeks ago, I tried to set up an appt with a local psychiatrist to get my meds refilled. Well, apparently their office only accepts appointments with a referral. Having my old doctor fax my information to my new doctor was considered a referral, but apparently this process is taking a long time and a lot of pointing fingers in the delay, but I can't make an appt. until the information is received by the new doctor.
In the meantime, I've been out of one of my medications. You are often warned about the side effects of quitting psychotropic drugs cold turkey, so I decided to make an appointment with a general practice doctor in the same building. So, I got in today.... and that doctor... wow. I've never wanted to walk out of an office in my life and it took all my willpower not to! She was super rude, wouldn't make eye contact and didn't understand why I couldn't wait for an appt with the psychiatrist. She just kept asking if I was suicidal. I really wanted to tell her that I'm homicidal, but she didn't seem like the type of person who gets sarcasm or jokes of any kind. Long story short, she lectured me, told me she wasn't comfortable with it and told me I should try to make an appt with the psychiatrist.
Well, let me tell you. At this moment, I hate everyone and everything. I've felt this way since like two days after my meds ran out. I could literally give a 5-10 minute speech on why I hate every person I know (except my kids.) Do I actually hate them? I don't think so... maybe one or two... but at this point in time, I want to stab them all from their left eyebrow to the dimples in their knee caps. I get mad at the TV, I get mad at the wind. I'm in a constant state of rage and it makes me pity those around me. Add to this that I can't sleep and when I do I am having vivid dreams of pointless things. I wake up 80 times a night and give up around 6am when I don't have to be up until 8.
So, no DOCTOR, I am not SUICIDAL, but how about you take your cracker jack box degree back to where you came from (she's new to the clinic) and learn something called empathy... and tact... and being around other human beings.
FAIL.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
The Toddler from H-E- Double Hockey Sticks
My son...
*sigh*
He has been going through a loooooooooong phase- we are talking like 8 months or so long- where he cries over EVERYTHING. You tell him no, he cries. You tell him it's dinner time, he cries. You ask him to put his shoes on, he cries. Well, I've gotten to the point where the crying doesn't bother me. First I tried putting him in time out because we all knew it was crocodile tears. Then I tried sending him to his room until he was done crying. I didn't get mad, I would calmly tell him to go into his room and he could come out when he was done crying. So, of course this resulted in him coming out two seconds later because he had turned off the waterworks just as easily as he turned them on.
Figuring that it is a phase, I have just kind of accepted it and try to ignore it because I know that he is trying to get attention.
Well, instead of letting that phase die out, he has decided to escalate it- to ear piercing screams. He intertwines these screams with his usual crying, but throws some even louder sobs in. And of course, it's still over the same little things. He smacks his sister in the face, he gets caught, he cries (and screams). He gets caught jumping on the couch... you get the picture. So, to his room he goes where he has now decided to start kicking the walls and throwing things during his tantrums. As much as I would like to go in and knock his block off, I just ignore it. I know he is trying to get attention out of it, but I refuse to give in. And believe me, it is HARD. He is a mama's boy, so when he has legitimate reasons to cry, it breaks my heart... but when he throws these crying/screaming tantrums, I just think, "what am I doing wrong?" Where have I gone wrong in my parenting that he has decided to take this route when he's upset. My daughter never went through this phase.
I'm at my wits end... do I invest in earplugs or try to take him back to WalMart... any advice??
*sigh*
He has been going through a loooooooooong phase- we are talking like 8 months or so long- where he cries over EVERYTHING. You tell him no, he cries. You tell him it's dinner time, he cries. You ask him to put his shoes on, he cries. Well, I've gotten to the point where the crying doesn't bother me. First I tried putting him in time out because we all knew it was crocodile tears. Then I tried sending him to his room until he was done crying. I didn't get mad, I would calmly tell him to go into his room and he could come out when he was done crying. So, of course this resulted in him coming out two seconds later because he had turned off the waterworks just as easily as he turned them on.
Figuring that it is a phase, I have just kind of accepted it and try to ignore it because I know that he is trying to get attention.
Well, instead of letting that phase die out, he has decided to escalate it- to ear piercing screams. He intertwines these screams with his usual crying, but throws some even louder sobs in. And of course, it's still over the same little things. He smacks his sister in the face, he gets caught, he cries (and screams). He gets caught jumping on the couch... you get the picture. So, to his room he goes where he has now decided to start kicking the walls and throwing things during his tantrums. As much as I would like to go in and knock his block off, I just ignore it. I know he is trying to get attention out of it, but I refuse to give in. And believe me, it is HARD. He is a mama's boy, so when he has legitimate reasons to cry, it breaks my heart... but when he throws these crying/screaming tantrums, I just think, "what am I doing wrong?" Where have I gone wrong in my parenting that he has decided to take this route when he's upset. My daughter never went through this phase.
I'm at my wits end... do I invest in earplugs or try to take him back to WalMart... any advice??
Monday, November 14, 2011
No Shirt for You!
I apologize for yet another post about friendship. This is just something that is really getting under my skin and I have to vent to someone, anyone... which leaves the one or two people who may read this.
I consider myself to be a good friend. If you are in need, I will give you anything I can to help. I try to be there whenever someone asks, and unless I can't afford the gas to get there, I drop everything to be there. I know there are a couple instances I may have borrowed things and not returned them, but I am either still intending to (money) or we stopped being friends and I stopped caring about returning something and ended up passing it along to someone else.
There have been times when I had $20 to my name and spent it buying a friend groceries. I've helped people move, I've FOUND people places to move! I've given countless hours of requested advice and kept my mouth shut at times I knew it wasn't my place to say anything. I've taken a friend's word only to be stabbed in the back, I've trusted people that shouldn't be trusted...
And yet again, I reiterate that I know that I'm not perfect.
But what bothers me is this: I have a couple friends who have been my friends for years. I can't get them to answer my texts... I can't get them to respond to me on Facebook unless I post something on their wall. I don't know why, that's just how it is. I have people that used to be my friends, but now won't even be my friend on Facebook for something that I can't even remember that I did to upset them. I know I shouldn't care because they are obviously not real friends, but I do care. You know those people that you call when you are super upset about something and need a shoulder to cry on? I don't have one of those. I wish so badly that I did, but I don't. I have people that call me and rant or cry for hours and I listen. *sigh* I just feel like everyone should have SOMEONE they can turn to for comfort, joy, a laugh, a girls' night out, whatever it may be...
So I don't know if this is a shame on me for whatever I may have done wrong, a shame on me for giving second, third, fiftieth chances and holding out hope that my friends are better than they actually are... or is it actually a shame on them... for being crappy friends?
I consider myself to be a good friend. If you are in need, I will give you anything I can to help. I try to be there whenever someone asks, and unless I can't afford the gas to get there, I drop everything to be there. I know there are a couple instances I may have borrowed things and not returned them, but I am either still intending to (money) or we stopped being friends and I stopped caring about returning something and ended up passing it along to someone else.
There have been times when I had $20 to my name and spent it buying a friend groceries. I've helped people move, I've FOUND people places to move! I've given countless hours of requested advice and kept my mouth shut at times I knew it wasn't my place to say anything. I've taken a friend's word only to be stabbed in the back, I've trusted people that shouldn't be trusted...
And yet again, I reiterate that I know that I'm not perfect.
But what bothers me is this: I have a couple friends who have been my friends for years. I can't get them to answer my texts... I can't get them to respond to me on Facebook unless I post something on their wall. I don't know why, that's just how it is. I have people that used to be my friends, but now won't even be my friend on Facebook for something that I can't even remember that I did to upset them. I know I shouldn't care because they are obviously not real friends, but I do care. You know those people that you call when you are super upset about something and need a shoulder to cry on? I don't have one of those. I wish so badly that I did, but I don't. I have people that call me and rant or cry for hours and I listen. *sigh* I just feel like everyone should have SOMEONE they can turn to for comfort, joy, a laugh, a girls' night out, whatever it may be...
So I don't know if this is a shame on me for whatever I may have done wrong, a shame on me for giving second, third, fiftieth chances and holding out hope that my friends are better than they actually are... or is it actually a shame on them... for being crappy friends?
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