I don't proofread my posts before I publish them... cause I keep my thoughts au naturale.

Monday, November 19, 2012

This year on my birthday...

So, it's another year, another birthday...

Since I have been an adult living on my own (like 12 years now)... I'm pretty sure I have cried on every single birthday.  It's not about getting old, it's just the realization that each year that goes by I am not where I want to be in life.  I don't like to think that it is my fault that this is true, but I have no one else to blame because I make all my choices in life, no one makes them for me.

I don't think I cried last year... but I can't remember- that was a whole year ago.

And I don't think it can all be chalked up to being bipolar either.  I just think that I overthink and so when I think about the things that I think about on my birthday, it really makes me think... and so I cry.

Anyway, I am writing this the Friday before because I probably won't feel like blogging on the day of.   But this year, although I am thankful for a great great great many things in my life, there are still some things that I had hoped would be different by now.

See you next year and I will update you on 2013's success or not.

On a more positive note!!  Happy birthday to my mother... she was given the greatest gift the day I was born... yep, painful labor and a 10 lb baby.  What more could a mother ask for?

And despite the years of extreme torture I put her through and our quite different views on thing, I would have to say that my mom is my best friend.  Whenever something happens good or bad, my first thought is that I have to tell my mom.  Even when I know that she has no interest in the subject (like when I called her Friday night to tell her about the new Twilight movie) she pretends to care, and that's mostly what I need.  Like I said, we have polar opposite views on many many things, but she has been an excellent role model for me in life and I aspire to be as respected as she is.  I have the greatest respect for my mom and thinks that she has done so much good with her life.  I can't thank her enough for all the wonderful things she has done for my family and I...

Happy birthday, Mom!!!


  1. I think crying on your birthday is pretty normal (and I'm not bi-polar, either)...it's just that day where you may expect so much or that so much has "changed" in the past year...and life doesn't work like that. But then, we realize how far we've come and, let me tell you, I'm sure it's pretty damn far. So enjoy yourself next week on your birthday and have a smile or two :) Great comments about your mom, too. I can relate.

    1. Awwww, thanks! Since talking about this, I've had several people tell me they have the same thing on their birthdays.

      I guess once birthdays stop being "magical" when we are younger and we actually realize what they signify... we start to look at that meaning in disappointment...

      I appreciate your comments!! :)