My Name is Hammy, and I'm a Hypocrite

You know how things bother you?  You can't say that nothing bothers you.  We're all human and whether we smile and act like nothing is wrong, put our faith in God that things will get better, or brush it under the rug, there will always be that instant when your brain tells you, "Hey!  I don't like this feeling."

Well, I've had to become more self aware of myself in the past year than I'd care to.  I'm tired of myself!  But, in order to become the people we want to be, we must take a hard look at our flaws and realize that although we don't want to change, sometimes we need to.

So this leads me into my realization that I am totally a hypocrite!  I used to pride myself in not being a jealous person.  But then I realized that it wasn't so much I wasn't jealous, it was just that when I was younger, I didn't invest much in the guys I was dating, then in my longest relationship, it was more that I had no reason to be jealous.  But then when I did, I chalked it up to mental issues.  I poo poo'd the idea that I was a jealous person.  Well, fast forward to today and I will be honest that I am a jealous person!  Sure, there were the guys that I didn't care about enough to get jealous, but then when there is one, I realize that the thought of him being interested or alone with another chick makes me wanna rip his AND her heads off, wrap them in trashbags full of gasoline, hang them from a flag pole and shoot flaming arrows at them.

But what makes me a hypocrite is that I don't see why it's not okay for me to talk to guys, why it's not okay for me to hang out alone with guys.  It's okay for me to text my exes, but if a guy I'm with even brings up a girl's name that he even kissed while drunk, I'm ready to claw some faces!  And I'll be honest, I'm normally big on keeping my feelings buried down deep because I don't like feeling vulnerable.  But then the bipolar side of me occasionally kicks in and I flip out like a vegetarian at the slaughter house.

I don't know why I can't convince myself not to feel this way.  I know I'm not the hottest looking lady out there, but it's not that I feel threatened.  I guess it's more the idea that a guy I'm interested in would even give a second thought to another girl.  And no, I'm not THAT full of myself!  I know my poo stinks as much as everyone else's does.  I just can't force myself to stop.  All I know is that it hurts.  I get physical pains in my chests at the thought of someone who cared/cares about me caring about someone else, whether I want to be with them or not...

Anyway, I've said too much.

Mystery Solved!

So, for the last two weeks, we've had a mystery on our hands.  I'm a bit of a neat freak about my living room because that is the place that everyone sees when they first come in.  We keep our shoes on a rug by the door and I'm constantly organizing them when they get messed up- my daughter is pretty good at organizing them as well!  Well, there have been several times lately where my kids have gone to put one of their shoes on and the other shoe is missing.  I will remember having seen it in the upstairs hallway and we always assume one of the kids took it upstairs for some random reason.

So, this happened for several days.  I will bring the shoes back and the exact same shoes will end up upstairs.  Well, one day they were lying near the cat food dish and I could have sworn they weren't there before bedtime.  We started wondering if one of the new cats was the culprit.  We were so sure, we just decided that was what was happening.

Well, last night while watching America's Got Talent, David tapped my arm.  I didn't look very quickly because I wasn't sure what he wanted, so I missed it.  Apparently, the cat had my daughters sneaker in his mouth and was starting to walk with it, but for some reason decided not to.  Mystery solved!  And a reminder that cats are strange creatures sometime...

Sweet Valley Confidential by Francine Pascal

Are you familiar with the Sweet Valley series of the past?  I am!  I was IN LOVE with these books!  When I was in elementary school I read all of the Sweet Valley Twin books.  I would anxiously await the new arrivals and run out and buy them.  As I got into middle school, I start reading the Sweet Valley High series.  I was ecstatic about these and would go to used book stores and try to get the entire series.  At one point I think I had all of both series, but get this- I boxed them up and put them in my parents' basement and haven't seen them since.  The optimistic part of me wants to say that they are still buried somewhere down there.  The pessimistic side of me fears that my sister stole them and sold them.  I can't think of another logical explanation because I can't imagine my parents just throwing them away without asking me!  Then there was the short lived series The Unicorn Club, which I wasn't a big fan of.

Anyway, fast forward to today.  Francine Pascal has realized that some of her fans are probably wondering what would have happened to Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield after becoming adults and moving out of Sweet Valley. 

I was THRILLED when I got offered this book to review.  It was like they had somehow received full documentation of my interests from the past and realized I'd love to review this... but that's probably not what happened.  When I received it I was giddy and stoked to get started.

Okay, now onto what I thought.  The book established that Elizabeth had pursued journalism and moved to New York to make her way into the writing world.  This was after a huge fallout with Jessica when something completely unforgivable happened.  I won't tell you what because it's a shocker.  Jessica is still in Sweet Valley living with her boyfriend (or was he her fiancee, I can't remember.)  She is beyond desolate that Elizabeth refuses to speak to her.  In fact, most of her old friends are so shocked by what happened that they feel awkward being around her.  Life is extremely rough for Jessica, but it's not that easy for Elizabeth either.  The book details the struggles they have dealing with their own problems while trying to repair a bond that no one thought could be broken.

I wish I could say I loved the book.  I really tried.  I just had a couple things that really bugged me.  The first was all the flash backs and references to things in the past.  It happened quite a bit and I found it extremely annoying.  I ended up just skipping all those parts.  The other thing that bothered me, which I'm sure wouldn't bother a lot of other people is that I was so used to the writing in Sweet Valley High being mostly PG and PG-13 on the rare occasion.  So, this book was a bit more graphic and talked more about sex and it made me sad because it showed a change in writing style that I wasn't quite able to readily adopt.  I guarantee that isn't going to be the way most of the other readers feel.  I just had a loyalty to the previous writing.

Otherwise, it was good catching up with the girls and I would definitely say that people who were die hard fans like I was would be really interested.

MOTR Grade:  B