I don't proofread my posts before I publish them... cause I keep my thoughts au naturale.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL... it's all relative!

“A son is a son 'til he gets a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life. ”

I think that nine times out of ten, parents will find out that this is the truth.  I could make assumptions or hypotheses into why this is, but I won't make many.  I'd like to know what my readers' thoughts are on this, though.  Why do you think this is?

That makes you Public Enemy #1

So, this leads to things after a marriage that can make life miserable for various people for various reason.  The son has now switched his entire focus to his wife and has made her priority number one.  That is difficult for his family to understand or accept.  I think the wife makes her husband priority number one, but still keeps her family a close second because she likes the comfort of familiarity.  She felt support and nurturing for her family that HOPEFULLY her husband provides, but she still wants members of her family to be there when she needs them.  Sons are different as they don't like to ask for help and they like to look brave and in charge.  Plus, their needs and goals change and their "other" family gets pushed on the back burner.  Is it sad?  Sure.  Is it part of life?  Yep!

 As a mother of three boys, I know this will eventually be what happens in my life.  As of now, I'm pretty okay with this as long as they don't ask me for money or expect me to raise their children.  I'd also appreciate if they never asked to live with me because I'd want to say no, but wouldn't that be awful if I did?

I also feel like I would strive to be the coolest mother-in-law ever.  I want my future daughters-in-law (or sons-in-law if any of them end up being gay) to think I'm funny and that I'm cool to hang out with.  It might not happen, but hey, a mom can dream.  I just don't want to be that stereotypical mother-in-law that talks shit about the wife behind her back and has this warped idea that her son has become distant and brain-washed by his bride.  Ooooookay.  God forbid that he has a mind of his own.

Anyway, I'm sure this is very common and cliche.  I will say, that it is great when in-laws butt out because they don't know the strain it puts on the relationship.  I will say that with both my marriages, the first year was by far the hardest just because my husbands' families made my life so much harder.  Luckily in my first marriage it got better and although I know my previous father-in-law didn't respect me, my previous mother-in-law was very nice to me and to this day, we get along great and she is SO FRIENDLY.

My current (ha) husband and I have only been married about a year and a half, so I can't speak to how things may be down the road.  And I can't speak about how they are now, why are you asking me???

What in-law experiences have you had, good or bad?  (Feel free to post anonymously if needed.)  

P.S. How do people luck out with my mom as a mother-in-law??  Lucky ducks!! 

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