Yes, I'm referencing Golden Girls, but no, this has nothing to do with the show... despite it's timeless humor and awesomeness...
You know, I will be the first, second and third to admit that I'm not the greatest friend in the world... I have much room for improvement. Granted, I am a giving friend- if I have it, it's yours. I would give my friends the shirt off my back if they asked for it. And if I ever have money, I wouldn't hesitate to let a friend in need borrow it.
But I always find myself thinking, "who ARE my friends?" On Facebook, you can now mark people as friends or acquaintances, although I wish there was an option for "complete strangers," but maybe that's in the works. But there are people that I consider expendable, and I am sure 98% of my Facebook friends feel that way. When I moved from my hometown to Cedar Rapids, I considered there to be 3 friends that I would truly miss. Once I moved, I probably only spoke to one of them on any semblance of a basis. Now that I am closer, out of those 3, I probably will only ever hang out with on of them. She and I have NOTHING in common on the surface, but deep down we do have things that make us lifelong friends. And one of the three hasn't responded to my texts in months and blows me off all the time... whatevs.
Then there's the friends in Cedar Rapids. I have a friend there that I consider to be one of the truest friends I've ever had and it is amazing because so many people tried to tell me that she used me and wasn't a good friend, but I knew otherwise. I understood the kind of person she was/is and overlooked any flaws, as we should all try to do. She was nice to me and if I was in pain or having an emotional crisis, she would have been by my side in a heartbeat. Since I've moved, she's made it clear that she is not gonna give up on me easily. It is an amazing feeling. I other friends who I will definitely keep in touch with and I have friends who still think of me and communicate with me when I was sure they would have forgotten my name once I left town... hearing people tell you that they miss you just because they actually do... makes me feel like I may actually have had a positive impact on their lives. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside.
And finally, there are those that I have long since forgotten that when it is clear I am a wreck or bouncing off the walls with anxiety, I will get a random text, a random Facebook message and their concern, friendliness and just outright acknowledgement of my existence stops me in my tracks. But to this I start feeling a smidge guilty for not checking in on them.
I guess there was no real point to this blog, but I think that sometimes the people that we think are our friends really aren't as good of friends as the people we have shrugged off as acquaintances. I definitely wish I were a better friend and hopefully some day I can be, but in the meantime, I think I should try a little harder to appreciate those that I have...
Post a Comment