(I teach remedial English at a community college.)
Each semester I get a new group of students, which brings a new batch of personalities and background stories. It's not like elementary teachers who are occasionally sad to see their students go each year- I'm more than happy for them to go bye-bye because it means I get a break and get to meet new students next semester.
This semester I have a decent sized group and by the 4th day I had all their names memorized (yet some of them still pronounce my name wrong.) I always have an assignment the first day where the students have to give me a short bio about what they think I should know about them.
I am very impressed because this semester and last fall I have had three students in particular who are single moms and they work harder at my class than most of the other students. They each have more than one. It impressed me because I hear so many moms say that they can't go back to school or they can't finish school because they have children at home. One of the most important things I think that a mother can teach her child is that you don't have to give up on life to become a parent. It's okay to devote a crap ton of time to your children, but you don't have to give up on what makes you happy or your dreams.
I myself finished my bachelor's degree when my daughter was 3 and my son was 1. Currently I am teaching and taking 3 grad classes so I can finish what little I have left of my MA. Right now my children are 6,4 and two months. I'm not gloating or trying to talk myself up, but I'm proof that your kids are not in the way of school. Just like these three girls I'm referring to are achieving their goals. I love seeing their drive and hearing them say that they are doing it to give their children better lives. In a world where it's so easy to live off the government and not work, it's great to see young girls who want more for themselves and don't just give up or become lazy.
Random off topic musing: It bugs me when I make a joke and some of my students don't laugh or smile. I think I have three students who have yet to crack a smile... it irks me... are they robots or do they think all teachers are nerds?
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Another Awful Daycare Experience
I wrote a couple years back about a bad daycare that my kids were going to.
Well, I just had another unfortunate experience yesterday. They is a daycare on campus at the college I teach at. Although it is not affiliated with the school (they rent the space), it is still in the school. It is very pricy, but it was convenient for me to send my son to last year. I never had a problem with L going- he liked it, he didn't throw a fit going and there seemed to be no problem. This year, L will be going to preschool elsewhere, but I needed daycare for Baby H. I only teach one class Mon-Thurs and it lasts an hour, so I figured having H go to the daycare wouldn't be a big deal. He was only going to have to go on Mondays and Wednesdays because I have family caring for him the other two days. Of course, it's ridiculous to pay for a full day when he's only going an hour, but the convenience to me was worth it.
As you may or may not know, I used to be a stay at home mom while earning my bachelor degree online. A didn't go to daycare for the first time until she was 2.5. L was 6 months and it was so hard because he cried every day when I dropped him off. It was only a couple days a week, but it was still difficult. You think that no one can take care of your children as well as you can (of course they can't.) So, the idea of Baby H going to a daycare at 2 months was very scary to me, but like I said, I didn't think two hours a week would be that bad.
I was wrong. When I got there to drop H off, there were two women working with 8 babies that looked like they ranged in age from 3 months-16 months. There were some screaming, a baby in a swing crying, it was chaos. I know that the state licensed facilities are only allowed to have 4 babies per one adult, so it wasn't as though they were doing something illegal and had "too many" babies there at one time. I felt bad leaving him and since I was early, I figured that I would feed him a bottle and rock him, hoping he'd fall asleep. I stayed as long as I could, but he wasn't asleep so I put him in a swing.
Fast forward until I got back. There was one woman eating in a corner. The other was spoon feeding one child at the table. H was in the same swing as when I had left, but was crying so much his voice was hoarse. He was sweaty and he had puke on his clothes. His bottle hadn't moved from where I left it. I picked him up, got his stuff and left. When I got to the car I held him until he calmed down and I cried.
There is absolutely NO WAY he is going back. I would rather quit my job than send him back to that place. Luckily I have found other arrangements that I am much more comfortable with as it is someone I know who has watched L before. I had David call the daycare and tell them neither of my kids would be returning. I just can't believe that people can sit back while babies cry and scream! I care too much about my children to force them into a situation like that.
My poor baby...
Well, I just had another unfortunate experience yesterday. They is a daycare on campus at the college I teach at. Although it is not affiliated with the school (they rent the space), it is still in the school. It is very pricy, but it was convenient for me to send my son to last year. I never had a problem with L going- he liked it, he didn't throw a fit going and there seemed to be no problem. This year, L will be going to preschool elsewhere, but I needed daycare for Baby H. I only teach one class Mon-Thurs and it lasts an hour, so I figured having H go to the daycare wouldn't be a big deal. He was only going to have to go on Mondays and Wednesdays because I have family caring for him the other two days. Of course, it's ridiculous to pay for a full day when he's only going an hour, but the convenience to me was worth it.
As you may or may not know, I used to be a stay at home mom while earning my bachelor degree online. A didn't go to daycare for the first time until she was 2.5. L was 6 months and it was so hard because he cried every day when I dropped him off. It was only a couple days a week, but it was still difficult. You think that no one can take care of your children as well as you can (of course they can't.) So, the idea of Baby H going to a daycare at 2 months was very scary to me, but like I said, I didn't think two hours a week would be that bad.
I was wrong. When I got there to drop H off, there were two women working with 8 babies that looked like they ranged in age from 3 months-16 months. There were some screaming, a baby in a swing crying, it was chaos. I know that the state licensed facilities are only allowed to have 4 babies per one adult, so it wasn't as though they were doing something illegal and had "too many" babies there at one time. I felt bad leaving him and since I was early, I figured that I would feed him a bottle and rock him, hoping he'd fall asleep. I stayed as long as I could, but he wasn't asleep so I put him in a swing.
Fast forward until I got back. There was one woman eating in a corner. The other was spoon feeding one child at the table. H was in the same swing as when I had left, but was crying so much his voice was hoarse. He was sweaty and he had puke on his clothes. His bottle hadn't moved from where I left it. I picked him up, got his stuff and left. When I got to the car I held him until he calmed down and I cried.
There is absolutely NO WAY he is going back. I would rather quit my job than send him back to that place. Luckily I have found other arrangements that I am much more comfortable with as it is someone I know who has watched L before. I had David call the daycare and tell them neither of my kids would be returning. I just can't believe that people can sit back while babies cry and scream! I care too much about my children to force them into a situation like that.
My poor baby...
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
The Things I Can't Let Go Of
As some of my readers may or may not know, I have bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. (I've been diagnosed with both by several qualified individuals in different towns/facilities, so if you're in denial about this, way to be unsupportive and you shouldn't read my blogs if you're such a jerkwad.)
Anyway, if you don't know what either are, there's a thing called wikipedia, so I'm not going into the details.
So, back to the point of this blog. I have a really hard time sharing my feelings with anyone other than my therapist. This is for two reasons: my therapist gets paid not to judge me and no one makes me feel better, so what's the point.
Throughout my life there have been a few things that I can't let go of. I know they say forgive and forget, and I always forgive, but I can't forget. And by "forgive" in some of those instances I carry a grudge, but I don't act on that grudge or refuse to talk to someone for it. If that were the case, I'd never talk to anyone! I've always had the philosophy that I will respect someone unconditionally until they do me wrong. Unfortunately right now, that pretty much just includes my boss- until he fires me.
Here's a list of things that I've never been able to let go of:
1) My parents letting some idiot with a doctor degree out of a Cracker Jack box put me on Paxil. This guy was the biggest moron known to man and I kinda wish karma would hunt him down. How could anyone let him be responsible for the mental health of people who deserved better care?? Anyway, the moron misdiagnosed me after meeting me for 5 minutes. Then he ended up putting me on Paxil and didn't inform me of any side effects. My parents ridiculously thought I had an eating disorder and I'm sure they conspired with him about the fact that Paxil makes people blow up like the Hindenburg. My metabolism went from spectacular to non-existent and I've had to work hard to not be 400 lbs for over a decade!
2) My crappy "friend." Well, most of friends are/have been crappy in that they couldn't care less whether I was alive or dead, but this one in particular has bugged me the most. I was there for her when she'd call me crying in the middle of the night. I was there for her two or three times when she moved out- I even helped her move all her stuff once! I was there for her when she had no money and I bought her groceries for her kids- even though I didn't have money myself! I've been there for her for so many things even when no one else was. Well, now she doesn't have anything to do with me. I'm not 100% sure why... if I had to guess, it's cause a couple years ago she thought I was interested in this jerk that she had the hots for... and I wasn't. I don't like jerks- especially not ones that are riddled with STDs. Other than that, I'm not really aware of what I could have done to her personally that was so atrocious.
3) These guys:
guy a- lied to me and told me he deleted his exes number and then actually put it in as someone else's number and I only found out cause I was TAKING CARE OF HIM after he had his wisdom teeth removed and his phone kept going off so I thought it might be his parents checking on him. Yeah... that happened.
guy b- ripped me a new one for "seeing other guys" when we weren't even a couple, but told his ex on New Year's Eve that he loved her. (Have I mentioned how much people suck?)
guys c/d- told me he didn't want to be with me anymore, which I handled with pretty good tact, if I do say so myself. The part that got to me was that he didn't tell me why. I hate being rejected cause I'm a pretty big fan of myself (of what's on the inside anyway.)
guy e- thinks I cheated on him and I never did! I am totally willing to accept when I do something wrong and people find out, but I don't like being accused of something I didn't do! But because his moronic friends insisted that it didn't make sense that I DIDN'T cheat, he believed it. Soooo... ugh.
4) Guilt: I don't often feel guilt, but the few things that have stuck with me that I've felt guilty about- I can't let go of. I'm pretty sure there was this time my dad went to Chicago and brought us all back tee shirts. I threw a fit and he ended up buying me a toy. I feel guilty that I was such a brat about that. When my mom buys me gifts, if I don't like them- I feel guilty about that. When I used this person and never talked to them again- I feel guilty about that.
5) This one thing that involved money that I felt I was entitled to: I can't go into details on this one because I'd get reamed up and down the Mississippi, but there was this incident that involved something that was done for my three siblings and wasn't done for me and the lame excuse for why not was essentially that I was a horrible person and didn't deserve it. It's not about not getting the money (that would be pretty bratty of me), it's about the excuse for why I didn't.
Okay, this list is getting long and I have school work to do. Don't get yourself confused and think these are the only thing in life that have bothered me... I mean come on, I don't trust anyone, I don't know what affection is and I get angry at the drop of a hat... so if you think nothing bothers me... you're so wrong it's wrong. These are just a handful of things that I needed to get off my chest and I don't get to see my new therapist until September. I hope you enjoyed my misery!
Anyway, if you don't know what either are, there's a thing called wikipedia, so I'm not going into the details.
So, back to the point of this blog. I have a really hard time sharing my feelings with anyone other than my therapist. This is for two reasons: my therapist gets paid not to judge me and no one makes me feel better, so what's the point.
Throughout my life there have been a few things that I can't let go of. I know they say forgive and forget, and I always forgive, but I can't forget. And by "forgive" in some of those instances I carry a grudge, but I don't act on that grudge or refuse to talk to someone for it. If that were the case, I'd never talk to anyone! I've always had the philosophy that I will respect someone unconditionally until they do me wrong. Unfortunately right now, that pretty much just includes my boss- until he fires me.
Here's a list of things that I've never been able to let go of:
1) My parents letting some idiot with a doctor degree out of a Cracker Jack box put me on Paxil. This guy was the biggest moron known to man and I kinda wish karma would hunt him down. How could anyone let him be responsible for the mental health of people who deserved better care?? Anyway, the moron misdiagnosed me after meeting me for 5 minutes. Then he ended up putting me on Paxil and didn't inform me of any side effects. My parents ridiculously thought I had an eating disorder and I'm sure they conspired with him about the fact that Paxil makes people blow up like the Hindenburg. My metabolism went from spectacular to non-existent and I've had to work hard to not be 400 lbs for over a decade!
2) My crappy "friend." Well, most of friends are/have been crappy in that they couldn't care less whether I was alive or dead, but this one in particular has bugged me the most. I was there for her when she'd call me crying in the middle of the night. I was there for her two or three times when she moved out- I even helped her move all her stuff once! I was there for her when she had no money and I bought her groceries for her kids- even though I didn't have money myself! I've been there for her for so many things even when no one else was. Well, now she doesn't have anything to do with me. I'm not 100% sure why... if I had to guess, it's cause a couple years ago she thought I was interested in this jerk that she had the hots for... and I wasn't. I don't like jerks- especially not ones that are riddled with STDs. Other than that, I'm not really aware of what I could have done to her personally that was so atrocious.
3) These guys:
guy a- lied to me and told me he deleted his exes number and then actually put it in as someone else's number and I only found out cause I was TAKING CARE OF HIM after he had his wisdom teeth removed and his phone kept going off so I thought it might be his parents checking on him. Yeah... that happened.
guy b- ripped me a new one for "seeing other guys" when we weren't even a couple, but told his ex on New Year's Eve that he loved her. (Have I mentioned how much people suck?)
guys c/d- told me he didn't want to be with me anymore, which I handled with pretty good tact, if I do say so myself. The part that got to me was that he didn't tell me why. I hate being rejected cause I'm a pretty big fan of myself (of what's on the inside anyway.)
guy e- thinks I cheated on him and I never did! I am totally willing to accept when I do something wrong and people find out, but I don't like being accused of something I didn't do! But because his moronic friends insisted that it didn't make sense that I DIDN'T cheat, he believed it. Soooo... ugh.
4) Guilt: I don't often feel guilt, but the few things that have stuck with me that I've felt guilty about- I can't let go of. I'm pretty sure there was this time my dad went to Chicago and brought us all back tee shirts. I threw a fit and he ended up buying me a toy. I feel guilty that I was such a brat about that. When my mom buys me gifts, if I don't like them- I feel guilty about that. When I used this person and never talked to them again- I feel guilty about that.
5) This one thing that involved money that I felt I was entitled to: I can't go into details on this one because I'd get reamed up and down the Mississippi, but there was this incident that involved something that was done for my three siblings and wasn't done for me and the lame excuse for why not was essentially that I was a horrible person and didn't deserve it. It's not about not getting the money (that would be pretty bratty of me), it's about the excuse for why I didn't.
Okay, this list is getting long and I have school work to do. Don't get yourself confused and think these are the only thing in life that have bothered me... I mean come on, I don't trust anyone, I don't know what affection is and I get angry at the drop of a hat... so if you think nothing bothers me... you're so wrong it's wrong. These are just a handful of things that I needed to get off my chest and I don't get to see my new therapist until September. I hope you enjoyed my misery!
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